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I know you have something to say about this.
I was a willing participant in a campaign of disinformation.
That’s complicated way of saying, I lied.
But did I, really?
I’ve told you my name. It’s not the one I sign checks with, but it’s the one that was given me at birth.
Does that mean you don’t know me?
Certainly not, when I’m here, I’m Melanie. I’m just somebody else most of the time. We’re both real. One of us just got lost for about 30 years. You can’t blame me, they told me I was someone else. I believed them. I didn’t have any reason to doubt. I didn’t even know that I had another name.
I wonder why they didn’t tell me?
Did they think it would hurt me?
Did they think that she was still in there and might come out at the mention of it? That was good thinking. Birth names are like magic words. Knowing just that one little thing can change everything.
I knew I was someone before I was adopted. I knew that I didn’t start to exist when the adoption papers were signed.
I was real.
Does changing the name of something make it any less what is was before?
Maybe.
It changed me. I wasn’t what I was before. I was something different. It was far from inconsequential. But it didn’t change who I had been.
She was real.
What am I now?
I don’t really know.
11 comments
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October 8, 2009 at 3:02 pm
DebiP
as an a-mom…I struggled hard with this…in the end they know they had names before me and the ones I chose for them…in the little one’s case we don’t know who gave it but it was his none the less..and yeah they know what those names are. Good post…hit my heart Addie…direct shot
October 8, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Triona Guidry
“What am I now? I don’t really know.”
I think that just about sums up what being adopted feels like. Great post.
October 8, 2009 at 8:13 pm
anonadoptee
I think everybody has a continum of selves and adoptees more so. I also think we have a right to know our birth names
October 8, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Twitted by 73adoptee
[...] This post was Twitted by 73adoptee [...]
October 9, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Tonggu Momma
The name by which my daughter was called when we met her is one of the few precious bits of information that we CAN share with her. Powerful post… thank you for sharing it.
October 9, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Kim
I don’t like it that they changed her name.
October 9, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Kim
I read some of the other blogs, the adopted people’s one are nice to read. The people who adopted ones make me want to smash things. Not good idea to read those when overtired and prementstrual heh?
October 9, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Mei-Ling
“One of us just got lost for about 30 years.”
Interesting.
October 9, 2009 at 10:49 pm
Elizabeth
Great post.
Adopters should never change names. It’s stealing.
October 12, 2009 at 9:29 pm
Mara
My name was Christine. I was called that for the first 3 months of my life. I wonder if this is why I named my daughter Kristen? Did I remember the name and like it?
October 13, 2009 at 10:42 pm
raggamuffin
The first time I heard my original name, Jeremy, said over the phone by my mother, time stood still. I couldn’t think or breathe for a moment. It was like a distant echo from across a misty sea. That was who I am/was? We only spent a few hours together but my tiny infant brain had an imprint of this name that I carried unconsciously for 31 yrs. It was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. For a while I thought about changing my name back. But I realised that “Jeremy” was gone, he was the man I could have been if I wasn’t cast off into the unknown.
Taking away the name of older children, children who “know” their names is morally bankrupt behavior.