Happy-ass Adoptees

I hate happy-ass adoptees. If I hear how special they are because they were “chosen” one more time, I’m going to explode.

They can take their “I’m so special because I was wanted more than bio kids.” and shove it.

As for the attitude some of these happy asses seem to have about only adoptees that had awful childhoods being disatified with their situation, I’d like to invite them to take a swim in Lake Fuck.

I’m just sick to shit of hearing it.

To think someone would have the audacity to tell a firstmom who has searched for her near middle aged child to forget about contacting her directly because the a-mom didn’t want her to, I say screw off. This firstmom at least deserves to hear that her birth-daughter doesn’t want contact directly. If for no other reason than she was brave enough to seek her daughter out. That takes a fair amount of guts and she at least deserves to hear her daughters voice for her troubles.

The very disrespectfulness of suggesting a reunion shouldn’t even be attempted because Miss Happy-Ass wouldn’t want one enrages me.

We aren’t all like you.

Grow the fuck up.

I probably shouldn’t post this, but I’m going to anyway.

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22 thoughts on “Happy-ass Adoptees

  1. Anyone who would vomit up that tired old line about being “chosen” is really too stupid to pay any attention to. Just consider the source.

    I think the bitter, ungrateful, and angry abandoned-as-infants adults are much better and far more interesting company.

    If being adopted is so wunnerful we should all get knocked up and throw the kid away. Puke.

  2. I’m not sure which agency/foundation/etc is sponsoring it, but lately the local radio stations have been playing a series of adoption ads, which really minimalize the losses involved. It has the voice of an adopted child (don’t know if said child is an actor or actually an adopted child) saying exactly what you are talking about – being the “chosen one.” It’s really quite disturbing and a bit exploitative to have a child being paid or worse yet, even asked to say these lines – – because it really does deny their whole identity and their beginnings. I will listen more closely next time to see who is sponsoring them.

  3. Thank you for your thoughts.

    snicker snicker snicker, falling out of chair, oops acidentally snorted

    Snicker snicker snicker

    Well Addie, obviously you just don’t have the right attitude.

    I want you to know I am only saying this because I am a much bigger person THAN YOU

    I wish you peace…………

    Big Pieces of Peace.

  4. I know of one who went to an adoption community and thanked all the mothers for their wonderful decision to give their children away to better homes.

    After seeing photos of her drunk and flashing her breasts at the camera and pretending to have sex to entertain the men at a party I am not so sure she is as glad to be adopted as she says she is.

    I think there are some who really believe adoption is great and are glad they didn’t grow up with their “trashy” mothers but how sad is it that they have been taught to see us as trash.

    I wish you peace too and would like to thank you for your thoughts, you too Joy.

  5. Pingback: an ungrateful adoptee a day keep denial away « kim kim’s reunion writings

  6. Pingback: an ungrateful adoptee a day keeps denial at bay « kim kim’s reunion writings

  7. I ask because I care. I come waving a white flag, carrying an olive branch, and a bottle of wine. How do you think is the best way for an adoptive mom (I’m not at this point, but I can’t have children,) to tell her child about being adopted? I understand if you do not wish to discuss it.

  8. Hi, I’m an adoptee, and definitely NOT the happy ass kind. I really identify with your anger.

    I do know that there are many different circumstances though. I was adopted at birth, and my birth mother was a single mom, no money, who could’ve kept me and raised me with a little financial help.
    This is totally different than the some situations where the kid has been in foster care, or rescued from abuse, and adoption may be the first stable home they’ve had. Even then, I wouldn’t expect the adoptee to be grateful, I expect the aparents to be grateful.
    It really makes me nuts when we are lumped into the same category, as if all adoptees have been rescued from hell.

    I hope you don’t mind if I keep reading you.

  9. I hear you are very angry. I know you can’t “get over” or “forget” (or any of that crap people tell you) but I hope you can feel a little more peace about all of it—even what other people say or do. What do they matter? There are always going to be people like that – but why let them make you feel this bad? Then they are controling you…Then they win.
    What makes me mad is that people assume all biomoms are “bad” trashy” “whores” “druggies” idiots” —whatever. Most biomoms are normal, everyday, nice people. You wouldn’t know if your neighbor or the person you work with may be one. It amazes me that people are so stupid.

  10. Hi Petunia,

    I think part of what can make me angry about this is that they are often the poster children of why we don’t need equal access, or need to search, or need reform. One happy adoptee trumps a hundred who want to know, and too often it seems like the one “happy” adoptee is just not dealing with the “must feel needed/must fit in/please accept me” issue rather than truly happy.

    Good honest post. This is actually, the type of thought that went into the name Chosen Babies for the online adoptee group; sort of taking the name back like Bastard Nation.

  11. I am a happy adoptee but there is still a need to search, see people who look like you, make sure your bioparents are safe and happy. Medical information too….that should be the #1 reason if anything. There is a psycholical need to have questions answered wether you’re happy or not.

  12. I don’t know why anyone would believe that “chosen” crap – wake up and smell the coffee. For most of us our folder was next in line at the agency. And even if we were hand picked from photos or behind glass at the nursery – were we picked for who WE are or for who THEY WANTED us to be? Which would be happy and grateful that they picked us.

  13. Thanks all for your comments on my rant.

    world of winks-
    I don’t have any problem with anybody reading this at all. It’s really not so much a-parents that set me off, it’s the attitude of society in general. I think adoptees get along better if everything is presented honestly. That includes that everything about adoption isn’t pretty and happy. That there is loss involved.

  14. Yea but they don’t want to hear that secrecy is what is causing us to go insane. Look at the man who kidnapped those boys up in Missouri.

  15. Hi, fairly new to this whole thing but saw your post and just had to speak on it.
    I cannot EVEN IMAGINE looking at my bio mom and not wanting anything to do with her. CANT! How can you look at someone who is biologically you and not want to at least be honest with her. I just don’t get that chosen crap either. You were chosen, you are happy. Well I guess maybe if you have the best aparents in the world. But how many of us really do?

  16. Thanks for the comments and understanding, Amy, Mia, Orchidsnowfairy (love that name btw).

    I’m not sure even having the greatest a-parents in the world could keep many from wanting contact with their b-family. I kind of see it as two different issues.

    petunia, obviously your opinion is different than mine and those who have commented on this entry, I welcome that. Dissenting opinions are always welcome here, if they are with what I have written, but please keep in mind that some that comment here are coming from a place of discovery, maybe pain. Please be gentle with them. At me, feel free to fire away.

  17. I am an adoptee (not so happy-ass) as well as a birthmother. I searched for and found my birthfamily almost 10 years ago. I have nothing to do with my b-father b/c he’s a friggin’ jerk. My b-mother…well that’s a diff story. She is a nice lady and we have continued to keep in touch and I now consider her a close friend. Then 4 years ago, my birthdaughter found me online through a reunion registry. I was so excited! She said she was overcome w/emotions and could we just continue to correspond via email for now. I had no problem w/that as she was in college and only 19 at the time. After a couple of years of emailing, her contact almost fell off. In fact, I am the one who initiates all contact at this point. I found her on Myspace, registered and was excited to find new info about her – a side of herself she had not shared w/me. Well now she has basically told me that she can’t relate to me b/c I am not married and have no (other) children. She said that she sees herself doing so much more at my age and has come just shy of telling me to bug off. She has told me that our relationship (?) stresses her out and that she has a lot of stuff going on in her life (she’s getting married next year) and set her profile on Myspace to private so I cannot see her site anymore. I am just crushed! She has no idea the amount of pain and tears she has caused me. She obviously thinks I have nothing meaningful going on in my life and I am so hurt by her harsh judgment of me and my life. She is not at all grateful that I chose to give her a better life than I could have at the naive age of 19. I will have to seriously consider letting her back into my heart should she decide to want to know me after she’s grown up. She must be one of those happy ass adoptees that doesn’t think very much of her birthmother. And she has no idea the scars that has left on my heart.

  18. Donna,

    I’m sorry about your experience with your daughter. Reunion is a lifetime experience, I hope her feelings change as she experiences more of life. I know that some adoptees that reunite in their late teens have a rough time. Maybe she’ll come around.

    I’m glad that you have a good relationship with your own first mom.

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