Since We All Need A Holiday..

Mention has been made on this blog that we, as adoptees, need a holiday, or at the very least a High Holy Day. I think that I might have come up with something.

From what I can see declaring holidays is a pretty easy thing to do, you just say it’s a holiday, send a card, and your done. Just look at Mother’s Day, founded by anti-civil war activist Julia Ward Howe. She basically bugged the President until he issued a proclamation. Some say it was merely an attempt by Lincoln to revive the lagging knick-knack and bathrobe industries, but never the less, it’s still a holiday. One only has to look at the popularity of Festivus to realize any joker can come up with a holiday these days.
Since this holiday will be to celebrate our gift from God status, I thought it would be nice to name it after a Saint. I considered using Jesus, as many have pointed out his adoptee-lite status, but he already has too many holidays in his honor, if you ask me. Now, I’m not catholic, so I pretty much had to rely on Google search to find a good candidate to be our patron saint.

I started with the obvious, I typed in “adopted saint”, not too fruitful. I just didn’t turn up any holy people that had the right pizazz for an adoptee’s holiday. I did notice that many maternity homes were named St. Elizabeth’s, so I did a quick read in the Catholic dictionary on her. Too boring, and pious for our purposes.

I then typed in “Pray to saint adoption”. I came up with this gem:

St. Gerard.

16 October
Son of a tailor who died when the boy was 12, leaving the family in poverty. Gerard tried to join the Capuchins, but his health prevented it He was accepted as a Redemptorist lay brother serving his congregation as sacristan, gardener, porter, infirmarian, and tailor. Wonder worker.When falsely accused by a pregnant woman of being the father of her child, he retreated to silence; she later recanted and cleared him, and thus began his association as patron of all aspects of pregnancy. Reputed to bilocate and read consciences. His last will consisted of the following small note on the door of his cell: “Here the will of God is done, as God wills, and as long as God wills.”

23 April 1725 at Muro, Italy
16 October 1755 at Caposele, Italy of tuberculosis
29 January 1893 by Pope Leo XIII
11 December 1904 by Pope Saint Pius X
childbirth; children; expectant mothers; falsely accused people; good confessions; lay brothers; motherhood; mothers; Muro, Italy; pregnant women; pro-life movement; unborn children

Seems that this possible birth-father could be our guy.

Gerard was reputed to bilocate, which is defined as being in one place physically and another spiritually, would seem to work for our purposes. And come on, that possible birthfather thing is just too good.

So, let’s call it St. Gerard’s Day. I haven’t quite worked out the details, but I know It’s going to be all about us. Some possible activities and traditions that I ‘d like too see become associated with St Gerard’s Day are:

Drinking of the sacred Mojito’s while dancing to Sam The Sham and the Pharaoh’s hit song Wooly Bully around the St Gerard’s tree. This tree would be a money tree that adoptive parents decorate for us in remembrance of our adoption fees.

The airing of grievances (yeah, I stole that one from Festivus, sue me) to all those that have hurt us over the last year, this, of course would be extended to our lifetimes during the initial celebration. The targets of our grievance would be made to stand in a kiddie pool, wearing a mumu, while the airer of grievances, and other adoptees, shot at them with Super Soakers full of Hawaiian Punch Fruit Juicy Red.

That is all I have come up with for now. I’m open to suggestions as to dates, and celebratory traditions.


24 thoughts on “Since We All Need A Holiday..

  1. I used to have a Hawaiian Punch watch when I was a kid. I loved that thing. Any party with Hawaiian Punch…well I am freaking there!

    Can we have a big carnival with rides and stuff? Maybe some funnel cakes? OH, I KNOW a PARADE!!!! Let’s have a parade!

  2. Can we have this in Paris?

    It seems to be a place of special import to the adoptee.

    And if not Paris, at least SanFrancisco, because they have a goddmamned festival here every freaking week, and if they can have the “dykes on bikes” parade, surely they can handle adoptees.

  3. “I started with the obvious, I typed in “adopted saint”, not too fruitful.”

    What the hell? It didn’t find St. Dory? Geez. I’m just going to have to start taking more cues from AJ to get my sainthood huh?

    Oh, a parade would be good – just imagine everyone “ooooing and aaaaahing” over the cute little adoptees – aren’t we all just precious? We could carry picket signs with our referral photos on them.

    I’m all for drinking Mojito’s and the money tree – oh how appropriate – I LOVE IT!

  4. Parade good.

    Paris, even better, though San Francisco is nice too. Though I wonder if even a city that doesn’t have an issue with Dykes on Bikes, might have some problem with adoptees? Sorry, I’m just picturing a leather clad woman with very short hair yelling, “How could you be so ungrateful?” from the sidewalk.

    Sorry Dory, you didn’t turn up on the search. Maybe it’s more of a PR problem, have you lobbied for inclusion in the Lives Of The Saints books?

  5. You are a genius, plain and simple.

    A bilocating saint is the perfect choice for us, as bilocation can explain how we miraculously grew UNDER and IN two hearts at the same exact time.

  6. Yeah – St Gerard – he does sound like our man!!!
    It is a French name – is it not???
    Paris it is!!! (besides Joy – I really wouldn’t look good in thin/strappy/leather – trust me on this one)
    Saint – check
    Destination – check
    Date – check (October something – wasn’t it Addie??)
    Food – ok I have NO idea about ‘Funnel Cakes’ – but any cakes would be fine by me!!
    Drinks – check
    Parade – check
    Airfares – Paula to get back to us there – but I’m worried they may charge us excess – the going rate for Adoptees is not cheap I hear
    Event t-shirts – along the lines of “Ungrateful…and proud” ????? With Mia’s ‘Gerard’s our man’ logo on the back ????
    Are we one event marketing company – or WHAT!!!?????
    You ungratefuls all made me smile tonight – long and hard.
    Thank you!!!

  7. Thanks guys, I’m going to need your help to get this thing off the ground, look for updates

    Petunia, that’s great, you can have a holiday all to yourself.

  8. I wrote a long-ish comment 2 days ago – but it’s been lost in the cosmos…….
    OK – the name Gerard is abit French-ish – so Paris it is.
    (besides Joy – I really don’t look good in thin/strappy/leather – really it would just scare the little ‘uns)
    Saint – check
    Date – check
    Destination – check
    Parade – check
    Tickets – Paula to get back to us – but I’m kinda worried that the price will be high – adoptees and ‘cheap’ just don’t go together these days really.
    Food – I have NO idea what ‘Funnel Cakes’ are – but hell – if there is cake involved – it sounds like a solid plan to me.
    Drinks – check
    Festival T-shirts – I’m thinking – front – ‘Ungrateful & Proud’ – back – Mia’s chant for Gerard – sounding hopeful!!????
    It’s all coming together here.
    You guys are a creative bunch – I like!!!

  9. Paula, yeah I kind of figured on something like that.

    How about Naughty Little Bastard on the front and Mia’s chant on the back for the T-shirts?

    We also need to see about little plastic St Gerard’s for our dashboards. In fact we should probably find a picture of St. Gerard.

  10. aaaaaaaaaaa – my original post bounced back into the cosmos I see!!!!
    (wordpress thinks I’m evil lately perhaps – and has to double check with the big guys upstairs????)
    Joy – I love it – yes yes yes.
    Addie – dashboard Gerards – perfect.
    Let’s hunt down the image of our dear St. Gerard.

  11. There’s an image gallery of him on the website Addie linked to, and he’s different and generic looking enough in each one we can all pull the possible birthfather thing on him.

    You know it took me like the second or third time reading through this post for the hilarity of “pray to saint adoption” to really hit me hard, but I’ve been giggling nonstop since.

  12. Pingback: Party!!! « It Came from the Cabbage Patch

  13. [quote]
    A bilocating saint is the perfect choice for us, as bilocation can explain how we miraculously grew UNDER and IN two hearts at the same exact time.

    It’s the underlying miracle of adoption!

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