On Being An In-Law

I have a big weekend coming up. It’s my in-laws 60th wedding anniversary. All of my hubby’s brothers and sisters are coming back to celebrate and see our house. I invited mt b-sisters to come too, they won’t be coming.

My in-laws have always been wonderful to me. Especially my husband siblings. I like them very much. I wouldn’t say that we have any kind of real connection though. It doesn’t bother me, I’m an in-law. We get on well, which is good, and makes things much easier for my husband, but that’s the extent of it. It is how it should be.

The thing is I feel like an in-law in every family type relationship I have. In my adoptive family, I’m treated very much as just that, I’m included but mainly as an after thought. With my birth family, I’m not even always thought of. I’m no closer to any of them than I would be if I was “married in” as they say up here.

I think that’s part of the reason things like anniversary celebrations are sort of lost on me. Because I don’t have any real connections I don’t feel like I have anything I can really celebrate. I’m not a part of any dynasty, any line, any family reaching back into time. I’m simply just here.

I do envy that things like anniversaries can be celebrated. I just can’t imagine what it is like to feel any real connection to something like that. I just don’t have any way to take any pride or comfort in the milestones that mean so much to others. I do wish that I had something to base my existence on like they do. But I don’t, I am and that’s all there is.

So I will do what is expected of me. I’ll help with the arrangements. I’ll show up looking clean and respectable. I’ll smile for the inevitable photographs knowing that when they are shown if anybody asks who I am, the holder will say, “Oh she’s just an in-law.”


7 thoughts on “On Being An In-Law

  1. I loved being an in-law, because it was normal.
    I hope you have a wonderful time at your party and serve lots of asparagus, you will not feel like an outsider at bastardpalooza.

  2. I’m really sorry your b-sisters won’t make it, Addie.
    I’m sure you know (well, I hope you do) that you exude a lot more than just ‘cleanliness and respectibility’.
    You’re nobody’s ‘just and in-law.
    And that’s a fact.

  3. In-law. Perfect description, Addie – – I feel that way, too, in my extended family. Always known as the “adopted” cousin, the “adopted” grandchild. Always, always the qualifiers.

  4. Knowing that its you giving the party or at least making all the arrangements, its going to be a huge bang. I have come to realize that I may not have my birth family. I also realize my adoptive family is like my birth family. You know what I mean. So I choose you as a sister. Can I do that? Cause honey you are the greatest!!!!

  5. Well jeez why don’t all you guys come. Trust me, it would make it a heck of a lot more fun.
    I’ll just introduce you all as my b-sisters, we’ll just wink and say, “mom got around.”.
    Amy, I’d be honored to be your b-sis.

  6. Oh, Addie,

    Anybody that can say you’re “just and in-law” has their head up their — ooops. I would be proud to have you at my party.

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