3. Your existence is justified.
Some would have you believe that your existence is only justified on this Earth as an adoptee. If you hadn’t been adopted you would be nothing but a Dickensian waif thrown into a orphanage and ultimately destined for a life on the street begging, selling oranges from a cart, or engaged in the rough trades.
Don’t believe it.
They tell you, and in truth themselves, these things in order to justify their own actions as adoptors, perpetuate stereotypes, and/ or make brownie points with Jesus. The fact of the matter is, if they hadn’t adopted you, someone else would have. There are, and have been waiting lists for children, since time immemorial. Why do you think perspective adoptive parents bitch so much about the wait? It’s because you were a commodity in demand.
The bleak images that many within the adoption industry seek to promote at every opportunity are for the most part a complete fabrication. The worlds of Oliver Twist, Jane Eyre, and Little Orphan Annie, just don’t exist. There are no work houses, no foreboding buildings filled with rascals that break into “It’s A Hard Knock Life” while scrubbing the floor, and no being put into service. The fact is, if you were adoptable, somebody would have adopted you. Hell, citing the examples above everything would have at least been interesting even if you hadn’t been adopted.
Your existence is also not justified by the need that you fill in your adoptive parents lives. You are not here only to fulfill their expectations. You ave the absolute right to the life you chose to live. As we have already established, your adoptive parents were lucky to get you, were granted the opportunity to raise a child, and took the child that was available. They should expect nothing more than that. They have plenty of cute pictures to show off, just leave it at that.
You did not escape a fate worse than death because your parents adopted you. You could have ended up in a variety of situations. Better, worse, or most likely very similar to the one you grew up in. This is something you had absolutely nothing to do with. You were not even a legal party to your own adoption. This very fact speaks volumes of how much you were truly considered in the process.
You aren’t here as a poster child for the adoption industry either. You are in no way obligated, a. to tell everyone you meet that you were adopted or, b. spout warm fuzzies about your experience if your adoption becomes the topic of discussion. The adoption industry employs many people to do just that, let them do the work for you. It is not your responsibility to make everyone in the world feel good about adoption. If you were to be a cheerleader, you would have come with a pleated skirt and pom-poms.
Many people decided your fate. All motivated by their own perceptions, prejudices, and agendas, none of which you have to justify. Considering that some of these agendas were in direct conflict with each other makes for an impossible task anyway. You are not Superman, please try to keep in mind he is also fictional when thinking about your role in these matters.
Your existence is justified because you are here. You are living a life, effecting the outcome of other lives just by being present. You cannot be expected to be able to adjust your every thought and move to other expectations. The fact is most people’s perception of you doesn’t have to have everything to do with your being adopted. You do have some control over this.