Haven’t We Met Somewhere Before?

Haven’t we met somewhere before?

As a pick up line that an oldie, but goodie. As a feeling it’s something I experience way too often.

I’m feeling it now, in a big way.

Tell me do these words from this blog look familiar to you?


“There are privacy concerns that extend to family members. I am the father of a child, whose mother and I gave birth to in our hearts. My feelings and love for my child seem to be so easily dismissed by those who debate the issue of the rights of birth parents and adoptees. Adoptive parents seem to be tossed aside in most debates. As if we don’t exist or played only a marginal role in our child’s life. As if we “rented” the adoptee. You don’t know my child so please do not speak for them or assume their desires are the same as yours. And don’t discount the adopted parent and adopted family part in this triangle. We too have information to share, stories to tell, medical history to impart, cultural experiences to share. My child is wonderful and I can tell you about my child. Every person, regardless of their birth or status, has an inherent right to their personal privacy. And that includes the right to waive their personal privacy; and that right should not be legislated away. I do not want my child hurt. Therefore, if a child, adoptive parent, or birth parent wish to seek out one another I prefer the “contact choice” option so that sharing information (medical, family history, heritage, etc.) can be done so without names or personally identifiable information being disclosed if the birth parent, the adopted parent, or my child wish to remain annoymous. A confidential process can be in place that can correctly match the child, adopted parent, and birth parent. Breaking that confidentiality should be a joint decision; not a legislated decision. Just as I have no right to violate your personal privacy you have no right to violate my privacy or the privacy of my child against our will. I believe there is a moral right to choose to know information about your personal history, background, heritage, etc., but there is a right to personal privacy that all parties need to freely waive. Please do not advocate so strongly that you remove a child’s choice to know or release personally identifying information at any point in their life. As a parent, please do not intentionally or unintentionally harm my child. They will decide wisely.


8 thoughts on “Haven’t We Met Somewhere Before?

  1. My comment to APARENT:

    In response to AParent, you will find your medical history is of no value to the adopted members of your family.

    Thé issue of access to original birth certificates isn’t about an invasion of privacy. It’s not really something that should involve the adoptive parents since usually it’s an adult adoptee who would get access to their obc.

    Further, you might want to face those fears and open your heart to us gorgeous articulate and fabulously fun mothers who can only bring light and wonderfulness to our children’t lives. Should your worst fear come true and we do end up having contact with our children…..be welcoming and loving rather than afraid.

    You have nothing to fear from us.

  2. Um, did I miss something?

    Since when does one’s adoptive Uncle Bob’s cancer history mean medical diddly for an adoptee in the family? Can you imagine telling your doctor that?

    “Well, Uncle Bob had lung cancer. Of course, we’re not biologically related. But my birth certificate *says* we are, so I thought I’d bring it up.”

    I feel like I warped into an alternate universe. Is there any aspirin in this dimension?

  3. Yes Theresa they make me weak too.

    Kim Kim, I loved your response. You got right to the heart of it, it could only be fear that would lead to that kind of thinking.

    Coco, it’s an alternate universe without aspirin or pie. I’m sorry.

  4. Yeah, the medical history thing is really just priceless. Did he really know how much of an idiot he looked like?

    I tried to post a comment as an adoptive parent who supports open records and knows that this is a Civil Rights issue lets-not-confuse-other-issues-with it-dammit, but either the comments take some time to show up, or it didn’t “take.”

    I’m too tired to try again right now. Maybe I’ll check back again tomorrow.

    This stuff makes me want to sleep. A lot.

  5. Yes, please try to remember what adoption is really about. Giving birth in your heart, like Athena bursting from Zues’ skull, sounds painful.

    I think by medical history he means the medical issues that he witnessed as a parent, with a big hole in his heart.

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