Spirits In The Material World

Safe in the hallowed quiets of the past.
-Epitaph

Ghost stories never held much fascination for me. Stories of spirits held to this world by some traumatic event, reaching out for the living with a cold hand, not allowed to move to the next world, never sounded that frightening.

Maybe it was all just too familiar.

As an adoptee I have often felt that I was living a life un-natural, a life not meant to be. These feelings intensified when I found my birth family. To some of them I was a secret kept safe in the hallowed quiets of the past, to others I was, and may remain, only a thing that might exist, something best not thought of. To all very much like a ghost.

I am a thing not seen, but out there somewhere. Something different and not of their world. To those who only suspect my existence, I could be a interesting thing to ponder, a mystery never to be solved, nothing with a real material presence in their world.

But I can see them. I cannot speak to them. I am held back by a veil of concocted reality, a thing created to forever keep me from their world and they from mine. The ether thins and I get a glimpse, but I cannot know if they look back at me. If they can feel me there, if I am a cold suddenly come over on a warm day, a door slamming in an empty room, a voice from nowhere calling their name, I do not know.

I am a ghost in their world.

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10 thoughts on “Spirits In The Material World

  1. Here I am, crying ghost tears. Thank you for writing this. I too walk the hallowed quiets of the past, and I just want to shout SEE ME. A beautiful post about a tormenting reality. xoxo

  2. DAMN!!! Were you reading my mind the other day? Because this was exactly what I was thinking about! How ghosts are in a limbo, and so are adoptees…and inextricable limbo. They say ghosts are around because of unresolved issues, like there is something about themselves that they just can’t lay to rest, and how much that feels like being an adoptee…and how nearly impossible it is to communicate that to those in the material world.

    Sharon

  3. I’m sorry, Addie. The world of concocted reality you speak of is something they’ve created, because they cannot bear reality.
    And it’s terrible, because against the odds you have an infinitely firmer grasp on reality than they do.
    And yet you are condemned to pay for their cowardice.

  4. I’m sorry too Addie. This makes me want to be even more loving towards my daughter and hope that I never make her feel like this. Sending lots of love your way.

  5. Just stopped by here for the first time, Addie, and this is a very beautiful post. I also have long felt as if I was on a path in life that was somehow not intended, as if I was living the wrong life. It’s only recently that I’ve realized how much that seems to be related to being adopted.

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