What We Have Learned From Carolyn Pooler

If you’re wondering who the heck Carolyn Pooler is, check these links out..

 The Missouri Compromise

and

Carolyn Pooler Come Out And Play

The short answer, not much.

The longer answer, quite a lot.  We’ve learned that reform isn’t always about what’s best for everyone, sometimes it’s about desperation and clinging to things that no longer work.

Nobody is really sure if we heard from Carolyn or not, though I’m pretty sure that we did.  Twice.  There’s a good lesson.  If you are not willing to take credit for your actions and defend them, you probably shouldn’t be working on anybody else’s behalf.  You have to believe in what you’ve done enough to put you name on it and claim it.  Hiding behind different screen names and posting from public computers, so you can’t be traced isn’t going to inspire a lot of confidence in what you have to say.  So from Carolyn we learned to be ready to explain your actions and claim them.  If you’ve managed to fuck up royally, admit it.

I suppose there is a an argument riding into town, hoopin’ and hollerin, killin’ all the women and rapin’ all the cattle.  Hell, I’ve done it myself.  But if you are going to do that, you need to case the place you are ridin’ into first.  Carolyn didn’t do that.  And because she didn’t do her research, all she managed to get done was fall in a pile of shit.  Hell my blog was right there.  If she had even read the previous post to The Missouri Compromise, she would have found that I’m staunchly anti-whining.  As to the other folks she managed to insult, she didn’t check up on them either.  There’s a lesson.  Do your research.  I don’t imagine she’s researched adoptee issues, or the current state of reform actions, any better than she researched me.

Lastly, and most importantly, we learned the price of alienating those that can help you in your cause.  I can tell you it will be Frozen Margarita Night In Hell before I’d piss on her if she were on fire.  I’m guessing there are a few others that feel the same, most of them in a better position to help her than I am.

Yes,The Carolyn Pooler Affair, as it will from now be known, because I say so.  Has been an excellent lesson to us all.  All the lame newbie internet insults, all the pathetic kicking and crying aside, Ms. Pooler has given us something to learn from.

There will be a test afterward.

Carolyn Pooler Come Out And Play..

I’m still waiting here.  See this post The Missouri Compromise.  So far absolutely no explanation. And I’m not the only one who wants one.

Amy wants to know.

Gershom wants to know.

And Marley really wants to know.

Oh and these folks are curious too Nullius Filius.

Along with a lot of other people.

Exactly who do you claim to represent? Are they all Missouri adoptees? Were they all on board when you refused to support Representative Connie Johnson’s bill?

Oh and is it MO CARE that you represent, like you signed your letters with, or is it more like mocoare? Because through a typo I did find that group, with 5 whole people in it. Which is it?

Or are you speaking for the American Adoption Congress? Or Adoption and Triad Support Network? Or The Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks? I can’t tell. And you don’t seem to have any friends that are forthcoming.

C’mon set me straight here. Educate me. And everybody else.

BTW, I see you’re having a meeting Thursday evening. Would you be more comfortable explaining this to me in person? I promise to listen very slowly.
Again comments section is below.

The Missouri Compromise

Missouri is the “Show Me” state. Legend says we got that name because we’re kind of slow. There must be some truth to that because I don’t know what the heck is going on.

Representative Connie Johnson was set to introduce a bill that would grant Missouri adoptees access to their original birth certificates. Then I get an email in which representative Johnson expressed her offense at , “the dialogue that has taken place regarding this bill and my intentions”. I was taken aback.

My first thought was that those who would wish to limit adoptee access had offended Mrs. Johnson. Scrolling down revealed something else entirely, it was a member of the group MO CARE, more specifically a Caroline Pooler who had caused the offense.

I had never heard of MO CARE. I Googled them. As far as the internet is concerned, they have never heard of them either. A little closer examination revealed a close allegiance with the American Adoption Congress. Now we all know that the American Adoption Congress ” comprises individuals, families and organizations committed to adoption reform. We represent those whose lives are touched by adoption or other loss of family continuity”.

This explained who these people were, but not what they had done to make Representative Johnson feel that she needed to pull the bill from the legislative session. Why would a group that seemed so supportive of the rights of adoptees oppose this bill to the point of offense and possibly jeopardizing the support of a friendly legislator to any future bills?

Nobody knew. As far as I can tell Ms. Pooler’s motives have not been revealed to anyone outside her group.

A larger question in my mind is, who gave her the right to speak for all Missouri adoptees? I certainly did not. I am not a member of MO CARE, if it does indeed exist. I am not a member of The American Adoption Congress. They do not speak for me or many others. Honestly I’m a bit offended that anyone would think that they did.

I appreciate Representative Johnson’s effort on my behalf. Even if the bill was not perfect I did support it as it was written. It would have given me access to my original birth certificate.

Caroline Pooler, never again think that you can speak for me. If I can give you a piece of advice, it does our cause certain harm to offend friendly legislators. I don’t know what your problem was. You seemed to think it was your place to speak for me, but didn’t think I needed to be informed of your reasons. I am also offended.

So please Ms. Pooler outline your reasoning for me. Right now. Right here. The comment section is below.

By the way, MO Care will Google now.

Fear

In the quest for adoptee rights fear seems to be the most limiting factor.  Not first parents fearing their child will find them, not adoptive parents fearing the effects of their adoptee reuniting, but adoptee’s own fear.

I don’t believe this fear is specific.  Some may say they fear their adoptive parents reaction to reunion, some may say they fear rejection from their first parents, but I think this is not really the heart of this fear.   Maybe something closer to the truth is when I hear adoptees saying they don’t feel safe discussing certain issues.  Why is that and where does this fear really come from?

I’m beginning to think this fear stems from finally having to grow up.  Having to stop being the adopted child, and start being an atonomous adult.  It has to do with giving up the last shreds of being a foundling, and finding your own voice.

In order to demand equal treatment, you must first see yourself as equal.  You must be willing of let go of all the things that you’ve been told and take a look at what you really are.  If you see yourself as a victim, you may get understanding and support, but you will not be trusted with the tools of self-determination.  If you think you need help, there are many out there that will help you, but you are in no place to make demands.

In all struggles for equal treatment, the biggest obstacle has been convincing the oppressed group that they truly deserved the rights that they sought.  It was only when those groups could demonstrate that kind of confidence and self-pride that real changes could be accomplished.

The key to making gains is showing those who do not have a personal stake in your cause that you as a group are deserving of what you ask.  To do this the non-involved  must be able to identify with those seeking change.  They must be able to see some of themselves in those who struggle for change.  Those not effected must think that they would handle the situation as those asking for change.

We have to leave fear behind and present ourselves as equals, as a group deserving of change, we must show ourselves to be trustworthy with what we seek.  We must show ourselves as they see themselves.  We must leave the trappings of childhood behind and walk confidently toward that which we deserve.

We are no longer children.   We have nothing to fear.