What’s Wrong With Holt Childrens Services?

In the comments from my last post other than being told that I needed therapy, which happens a lot, and inspiring a rather scary Halloween costume, I was asked what’s wrong with Holt.

I’m not quite sure how to answer that question.  Was I being asked what is wrong with what Holt does?  Was I being asked what is wrong with adoption, or international adoption in general?  Was I being asked why Lillie and I approached Holt in particular?

Some of these questions are much easier to address than others.  If my commenter was wondering what is wrong with what Holt does, I have to think they are wondering what my concerns are with adoption and international adoption in particular.  If this is what they want to know all I can do is ask that they read the enteries here, then read the links to the left, and all the things that those that I link suggest they read.  This hould give them a good idea about the problems with adoption as well as quite a reading list.

As to why Holt was approached, that’s simple.  I wanted to meet my friend Lille.  The Iowa State Fair worked out well.  Approaching Holt came from wanting to do something for adoptee rights since that was the way that we found each other in te first place.  When the trip was planned we didn’t even know that Holt was going to have a booth there.  I saw an advertisement for the Holt booth when researching what was going on at the fair.

We did not have anything prepared, or any kind of grand evil plan, we just thought we would stop by and ask some questions.  We had no idea that things would go as they did.

We did not expect the kind of presentation that we received.  I think both of us expected to be asked to leave the booth as soon as we opened our mouths.  I think both of us came a way much more shaken and disgusted than we ever considered.

I can’t speak for Lillie, but I know the things I heard and the feeling I got from this experience was much more disturbing than I could have imagined.  the only thing that I could compare it to is a sales presentation.   If I had not been as informed and aware of the problems inherit in adoption, I can see how I could have been taken in.  If nothing else this surely opened my eyes to how easily people are drawn in to adopting.

If I had just been a lady at the fair with a friend who saw the booth and was drawn to the pictures of the children, if I had ever thought that adopting might be a nice thing to do, I might be working on filing papers with an embassy right now.  That scares the hell out of me.  I can’t help but think that someone with only a slightly different experience in life is doing just that.

This woman won’t know the things that she needs to know.  She’ll only hear the they want her to hear.  I know plenty of people who have been down this path.  You’ll find a couple of them listed on my blogroll.  They are good people, they are smart people, their hearts are in the right place. They are doing the best thing that they can.  They aren’t much different than me.

I fear for the child that will be in the middle of all this.  The child is thrown into a situation that they have no control over.  Their fate is in the hands of those that are unprepared to meet the needs that they will have.  They will grow up, you can see many of them listed in my blogroll.  They are good people, they are smart people, their hearts are in the right place.  They are doing the best they can.  They aren’t much different than me.

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I Wonder If The Lady From Holt International thinks I’m Stable?

Ok, yeah I know, it’s been a while.  Let’s just say I’ve had a lot going on, and I’ll get to that.  But forst I need to tell you abou the end of our Holt experience.  

 

Lillie asked the bad Holt lady about reunion when adoptees became adults.  that is to say what she meant, it took a few tries for the Bad Holt Lady to quite get what she was saying.  first, we found out that it was completely wrong, as well as impossible for children to be reunited.  Duh, we get that part.  I’m not sure it had ever occured to Bad Holt Lady that adoptees actually grow up. 

When Lillie really pinned her down and asked the Bad Holt Lady, very slowly and and using very small words, what she thought of adult adoptees reuniting with their firstparents she said something like, “Well that would be up to the parties involved…if both parties thought it was alright, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt..”  Bad Holt Lady looked very confused at this point.  And by both parties she meant both sets of parents, it seems that the adult adoptee should have nothing to say about this.  

When pressed harder she thought it would be OK if “both parties were stable.”  By this she did mean the first parent and adoptee.  I found it a bit odd that she would even think that any All American perfectly adjusted adoptee would have any chance of not being stable, I guess the Bad Holt Lady missed that contradiction too.

Take what you want to from what I’ve written about this experience.  It is presented as it actually happened.