Joy’s post about foster care got me thinking. I was in foster care too, but I was with my adoptive parents. I was about 2 weeks old when they took me home from the hospital on a trail basis.
I had known that I was a ward of the state until my adoption was finalized when I was 2, but I had not known it was a “trail adoption” until recently when my a-mother mentioned it.
What the fuck is a trail adoption?
A-mom really didn’t know. That’s just what the social worker had told them. They were pretty much under the impression that I was with them to stay.
I don’t know the date of my relinquishment. All I have are my adoption papers and they only mention that my first mother had given up parental rights at an earlier date. Not what date.
What the hell was going on for those 2 years?
Had I been relinquished immediately after I born? Was I not relinquished until later? Was my relinquishment voluntary? Was I removed from my first mother because she was judged to be incapable of caring for me?
Were the concerns with my adoptive parents? Had they not decided if they wanted to adopt me? Did the state have concerns about their fitness as adoptive parents?
Was there some concern for my health? Were there questions about my mental fitness? What?
I’d really like to know.
If the state hadn’t placed me, and I had grown up in foster care, I would be able to know these things. But since I turned out to be a healthy little thing that somebody decided to keep, they won’t tell me. As far as the state is concerned I’m a different person than the baby they were responsible for. The foster child ceased to exist when I was adopted.
I ceased to exist. I didn’t die. I didn’t change. I just ceased to exist.
That’s a pretty good trick, being able to make a person disappear. Anything at all could have happened, then it’s all just gone. Like it never happened.
But it did happen. It happened to me.