I’m Not Avoiding Anything

I’m not avoiding anything, goddammit.

So what have I been up to lately?

Well I haven’t been avoiding stuff, that’s for sure.

I roasted and froze 48 quarts of tomatoes.

I did a complete repositioning of a category of items at work.

My laundry is caught up.

I did this to my lawn mower….

My house is clean

I finished all 3 books I was reading.

But I’m not avoiding anything.

I’m headed down to the city tomorrow for full day of distraction.  Art show, car show, dinner at my favorite restaurant.  Heck, I don’t even have time to think.

And that’s good.

Because I just don’t want to think about how I felt as sat in this very chair 2 years ago.  I don’t want to think about how I felt the very next day when I knew I’d never be anything but the little difficulty that went away.

I don’t want to think about why I waited too long.  I don’t want to think about why I’m still sitting here, waiting again.

I’m going to have to think about it soon.

But not today.