Ten Things I Wish I Knew Before I Was Touched By Adoption

This is my contribution to the Grown In My Heart Adoption Carnival.  Get in on it too, right here.  Use the Mr. Linky thing.

Go on, you know you want to.

First, I wasn’t touched by adoption.  The only folks ‘touched by adoption’ are random viewers of Adoption Stories or some other heart-tugging-ain’t-adoption- great TV show.  People are touched by the stories of others, or possibly an uncle, but not adoption.  Adoption consumes, completely immerses, one drowns in adoption.

Since I did not have the ability to speak before I was touched, threw into, drown by, adoption, I am going to take on the persona of an annoying talking babies in those god awful John Travolta-Kristie Alley movies.  I’m sure some folks found those touching too.

1. Mom, I’ll never see you again.  Once you let go of me, I’ll be gone forever.  When you sign those papers I’ll be an orphan.  You certainly have more faith in this world than I do.

2. Mom, I’m going to look a bit like you.  It would be really nice to have that reference point as I’m growing up.  I’m never going to see anyone in real life that looks remotely like me until I’m almost 40 years old.  My confidence is going to be effected by this.

3. Mom, I’m never going to know who my dad is.  It’s  kind of  a  big deal for me.  You said you wanted to give me up to save me from “the stain of illegitimacy”, that doesn’t bother me as much as not even knowing who’s bastard I am.  BTW, everybody is going to assume I’m stained by illegitimacy as soon as they know I’m adopted for the rest of my life.  You aren’t saving me from anything.

4. Mom, I’m going to be spending ever summer Sunday for a couple of years about a mile from where you live, in about 33 years.  I wonder if you’ll see my picture in the local paper with my racing trophies?

5. New Mom and Dad, I’m not a blank slate.  Sorry.  Just wanting me to be like you won’t change a thing.  I am what I am.

6. New Mom and Dad, I do not have colic.  I just want to go home, where ever that is.

7. New Mom and Dad, You are going to have other children in a few years.  Children of your own.  Children that will be like you.  Do you still want to go through with this?  There is a whole list of other folks who will take me.  I won’t be hurt.

8. Lawyer, You might want to put a note in my file that this stuff will be “of use” to me in the future.  Your son, who will be the judge in this district someday, is going to tell me that there is “nothing of use to me in this file”.  He is going to be wrong.  Besides, I’ll find out anyway.

9. Governor, make my records available to me.  I am in the care of your state now.  You are going to see that I’m given to people to raise me to adulthood.  I’m going to pay taxes and vote for your successors.  I deserve to know what is going on now.

10. Mom, New Mom and Dad, Lawyer, Governor, Everybody Else, I am going to be alright.  A bit worse for the wear of all this, but alright.  It would have been a lot easier on me if you had listened to me now.


14 thoughts on “Ten Things I Wish I Knew Before I Was Touched By Adoption

  1. Excellent list, and very nice approach. I really want to print out some of the posts from today across the internet and put them in a file for the adults involved in adoption (on all levels) to read and ponder…..

  2. I like your list…especially the blank slate – even though my kids were 6 and 7 at adoption, I wanted a bit of a blank slate. Terrible to admit…but honest none-the-less. It is interesting to me everyday the things I see in them (4 years later) that are parts of my or hubby. However, I’m always aware that with RAD I’m dealing with a whole other bird (maybe one of those featherless birds?). So, in some ways, my kids had blank slate parts.

  3. Thanks for this, Addie. I may just start a blog, just so I can “Mr. Linky” myself to the CARNIVAL (of what? adoption? adoption is a carnival??)….


    Anyway, good stuff here. Maybe we can reach some PAPs…

  4. Addie, I have learned so much from you over this past year… most especially that my daughter is NOT a blank slate. Learning to embrace and guide a child who is so very different from me – it has been one of my life’s largest challenges and also one of its greatest blessings. Thank you.

  5. “Adoption consumes, completely immerses, one drowns in adoption.”

    THIS is probably the biggest thing no one told me.

    I was really moved by this honest-to-the-bone post.

  6. Hi Addie, I discovered your blog through your Twitter profile, and have been inspired repearted by your willingness to put words to your feelings and speak hard truths. Keep up the good work!

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