I made the mistake of discussing adoption with one of the uninitiated recently. I always do that, you’d think that I would have learned by now. Anyway, after I related some of my experiences she remarked that it sounds something more like a true crime story than the fuzzy wuzzy experience of adoption.
No shit, Sherlock.
She seemed to think that instead of bringing up all of the things that are wrong with adoption, and how adoptees are perceived we should be looking for answers and comfort.
Again, no shit.
Answers and comfort would be wonderful. Folks having a complete understanding of the whole adoption thing would be great, no argument here. But I guess that it is all too shocking for the non-adopted to wrap their head around.
Guess what? It’s pretty hard for us to wrap our heads around too.
Exactly how are we to be comforted when we talk about lack of medical history? Patting us on the hand and assuring us we probably won’t die of some cancer that could have been easily found and treated if we had known to test for it, doesn’t really cut it.
Just exactly what are we supposed to be told when somebody assumes that we were so much better off because our adoptive folks could afford a pool in the backyard? Can you imagine anyone casually debating what a non-adopted person’s childhood might have been like if they had been raised in lesser circumstances?
How do you make it OK to be abandoned?
Should the fact that we turned out to be attractive people make up for not growing up with anyone that looked like us?
Is there a greeting card for those that are denied basic human rights by the states we pay taxes too?
Yes, it’s shocking, a little unsettling, and smacks of true crime. To hear adoptees speak can sound like way too much information, but that’s what we’ve got.
I do find it very interesting that this woman chose the phrase “true crime”. As if we the adoptees, the innocent little babies, are the criminals. Are we vandals for tipping the sacred cow of adoption?
Should we charged with a misdemeanor or a felony? Does one generally serve time for tipping sacred cows? Would sacred cow tipping be considered a property crime? If more than one person is involved, does it become a conspiracy?
Some folks are getting it, The Donaldson Institute has a very interesting report out. It’s focused on international adoptees, but makes very good points for all of us.