Sacred Cow Tipping and True Crime

I made the mistake of discussing adoption with one of the uninitiated recently.  I always do that, you’d think that I would have learned by now.  Anyway, after I related some of my experiences she remarked that it sounds something more like  a true crime story than the fuzzy wuzzy experience of adoption.

No shit, Sherlock.

She seemed to think that instead of bringing up all of the things that are wrong with adoption, and how adoptees are perceived we should be looking for answers and comfort.

Again, no shit.

Answers and comfort would be wonderful.  Folks having a complete understanding of the whole adoption thing would be great, no argument here.  But I guess that it is all too shocking for the non-adopted to wrap their head around.

Guess what?  It’s pretty hard for us to wrap our heads around too.

Exactly how are we to be comforted when we talk about lack of medical history?  Patting us on the hand and assuring us we probably won’t die of some cancer that could have been easily found and treated if we had known to test for it, doesn’t really cut it.

Just exactly what are we supposed to be told when somebody assumes that we were so much better off because our adoptive folks could afford a pool in the backyard?   Can you imagine anyone casually debating what a non-adopted person’s childhood might have been like if they had been raised in lesser circumstances?

How do you make it OK to be abandoned?

Should the fact that we turned out to be attractive people make up for not growing up with anyone that looked like us?

Is there a greeting card for those that are denied basic human rights by the states we pay taxes too?

Yes, it’s shocking, a little unsettling, and smacks of true crime.  To hear adoptees speak can sound like way too much information, but that’s what we’ve got.

I do find it very interesting that this woman chose the phrase “true crime”.  As if we the adoptees, the innocent little babies, are the criminals.   Are we vandals for tipping the sacred cow of adoption?

Should we charged with a misdemeanor or a felony?  Does one generally serve time for tipping sacred cows?  Would sacred cow tipping be considered a property crime?  If more than one person is involved, does it become a conspiracy?

 

Some folks are getting it, The Donaldson Institute has a very interesting report out.  It’s focused on international adoptees, but makes very good points for all of us.

 

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7 thoughts on “Sacred Cow Tipping and True Crime

  1. “Seek answers and comfort”, huh?

    Let’s break that down: “Stick head firmly in sand. If uncomfortable facts penetrate sand, plug ears with fingers and chant ‘la la la’ until blissful fogginess is re-attained. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.”

    Sigh.

    Because that works SO well.

  2. Yes, doesn’t it?

    For some reason that truly pissed me off. I am so sick of being made to feel as if I’ve done something wrong by just bringing up adoption isn’t all kitten farty rainbows.

  3. Yea I have encountered that quite a bit recently. I have been educating adoptees young and old recently. Its hard to explain to these adoptees that their parents may have searched for them but faced the same road blocks.

  4. As an a-mom, I have encountered it too. “What the fuck are you doing? [searching] You’s S’s MOTHER. Just ENJOY her.”

    Not to equalize the two situations at all.

    Also, I was thinking today that one could make a hilarious spoof on that annoying woman on GreenLeaf Ancestry who just burbles on and on about what she found and how easy it was. Can’t you see it?

  5. And if you were adopted into a wonderful family like I was, then the general comment is: ‘So what’ the problem? You should be grateful. Imagine how you would’ve turned out if you birth mother had kept you?’ Aaarghhhh!

    • In many cases adoption was (is?) a crime. A crime against young unsupported, unmarried mothers and a crime against their bastard children.

      There was no understanding or assistance to keep mother and child together. It was deemed in the child’s “best interest” to be placed in a stranger family plus a suitable punishment for the slut mother (without the legitimizing ring on her finger) to have her baby taken for adoption.

      In the 1950’s, 60’s and 70’s, many young mothers in Australia were actually kept drugged to keep them more pliable to the heavy bullying to sign adoption papers. Young mothers seldom had any access to legal advice, or any emotional support. They were often treated with disdain and not allowed to see their babies. I was even moved to a different hospital than my baby to make sure I didn’t get to see her.

      Yes, there were crimes committed, but it was societies crimes against mother and child…and the inhumanity continues when adoptees are not even offered the respect most of us take for granted… of access to their personal records. Thankfully Australia has had open records since 1991. It should be a basic human right all over the world.

      Lina Eve

    • In many cases adoption was (is?) a crime. A crime against young unsupported, unmarried mothers and a crime against their bastard children.

      There was no understanding or assistance to keep mother and child together. It was deemed in the child’s “best interest” to be placed in a stranger family plus a suitable punishment for the slut mother (without the legitimizing ring on her finger) to have her baby taken for adoption.

      In the 1950’s, 60’s and 70’s, many young mothers in Australia were actually kept drugged to keep them more pliable to the heavy bullying to sign adoption papers. Young mothers seldom had any access to legal advice, or any emotional support. They were often treated with disdain and not allowed to see their babies. I was even moved to a different hospital than my baby to make sure I didn’t get to see her.

      Yes, there were crimes committed, but it was societies crimes against mother and child…and the inhumanity continues when adoptees are not even offered the respect most of us take for granted… of access to their personal records. Thankfully Australia has had open records since 1991. It should be a basic human right all over the world.

      Lina Eve

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