What Do I Want?

Someone asked me today what I would buy if I had $1000 to spend only on things I wanted for myself.  I didn’t have a single idea.  There are things I want, most of them cost less than $1000, but I couldn’t think of a thing that I would actually commit to spending that money on.

I’d like an e-reader and several hundred dollars for all those books I want to read.  It just seems kind of stupid to spend money on that when I just go to the library and get any book for free.

I’d like an awesome set of watercolor pencils, some paint and brushes, and assorted art stuff.  I just already have quite a bit of that kind of thing, and can really do whatever I want to do without anymore.

I’d like to go away for a nice weekend.  I just don’t have time even if I did have the money.

I’d like some new clothes.  I just don’t want to spend forever looking around for just the right thing.

The truth is if I did have $1000, I’d probably give it to my husband to spend on his truck, or just pay bills with it.

There are a lot of things I want.  I just don’t want them that bad.  I guess I’m not very good at taking care of myself.  I feel guilty filling up the bath tub if I’m not going to stay in it for at least an hour.  I’ll opt for a less expensive entree on a menu, even if the difference is only a couple of dollars.  I have a hard justifying the money spent to get my hair done.

I think I need some help.  Is there some kind self indulgence therapy group I could join?

We could all sit in a circle passing around advertisements for perfumes, spas, cruises, and gadgets while being told over and over that these things are actually real.  Eventually we could be exposed to the actual products.

We could participate in Retail Clearance Sign Avoidance Therapy where we were sent into clothing stores and made to touch, and even try on, in season, full priced items.

We could go to restaurants where we would be required to order, and actually eat, without sharing, both an appetizer and a dessert.

Until I find someone offering this kind of therapy, I guess I’ll just have cheese sandwich and a glass of water.


6 thoughts on “What Do I Want?

  1. (((Addie)))

    I know how you feel. For the last two years my son has been so sick, and I’ve had to pay for everything out of pocket. Plus, I’m exhausted beyond what I can accurately describe from high level caretaking.

    Now that my boy is nearly recovered, I can take care of myself. But I have no $$$!

    Seems like I either have time or money, never both. My birthday is in June, and I’m going to really lay it on to the people who usually give me $ for the occasion (not at all like me) and spend it on me. Fuck Time Warner.

    I hope you make the time to take care of your sweet self. xx

  2. Contact my wife. She’s a master at self-indulgence and could offer expert tutelage. Not sure if tuition assistance is available, though.

  3. Thanks guys.

    You give me hope embracing impracticality.


    I know it’s been just hellish for you. But it is so wonderful your son is recovering. I’m glad it’s getting easier.


    Thanks for the tip. I’ll apply for a grant.

  4. I know what you mean. I have been coveting my own laptop (hi! welcome to 2001!) for a while but never will splurge on myself even when I have a few extra dollars to stash.

    I spend it on boy clothes and stuff for the house and paying extra on bills. Which is OK, but still. Not my own little indulgence. Sigh.

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