Thought I’d share this with you guys. Very well worth reading.
Shared via AddThis
Thought I’d share this with you guys. Very well worth reading.
Shared via AddThis
Here I’ve gone and wandered off again. For those of you who know me, I’m sure you are not surprised. If you want to read about my further adventures in Adopteeland you can check me out here.
Yeah, yeah, I know, thew place is lousy with adoptive parents. Relax, Claudia is over there too. Please direct all complaints to the comments section where they will be ignored.
I’ll still be here. Let’s face it, there are just somethings that I can’t really say anywhere else.
Somebody told me that I didn’t look like an adoptee the other day.
What the heck is an adoptee supposed to look like?
I have a feeling I know.
I think I don’t look like an adoptee because I’m much too tall. We are supposed to be big eyed waifs looking up to the world for help. Like this…
Well we are not supposed to be so furry, but you get it.
You will notice that the kitten isn’t very tall and could easily be trod upon.
Once you look like it might be a problem to squash, you no longer look like an adoptee.
I’m thinking about that one.
Joy’s post about foster care got me thinking. I was in foster care too, but I was with my adoptive parents. I was about 2 weeks old when they took me home from the hospital on a trail basis.
I had known that I was a ward of the state until my adoption was finalized when I was 2, but I had not known it was a “trail adoption” until recently when my a-mother mentioned it.
What the fuck is a trail adoption?
A-mom really didn’t know. That’s just what the social worker had told them. They were pretty much under the impression that I was with them to stay.
I don’t know the date of my relinquishment. All I have are my adoption papers and they only mention that my first mother had given up parental rights at an earlier date. Not what date.
What the hell was going on for those 2 years?
Had I been relinquished immediately after I born? Was I not relinquished until later? Was my relinquishment voluntary? Was I removed from my first mother because she was judged to be incapable of caring for me?
Were the concerns with my adoptive parents? Had they not decided if they wanted to adopt me? Did the state have concerns about their fitness as adoptive parents?
Was there some concern for my health? Were there questions about my mental fitness? What?
I’d really like to know.
If the state hadn’t placed me, and I had grown up in foster care, I would be able to know these things. But since I turned out to be a healthy little thing that somebody decided to keep, they won’t tell me. As far as the state is concerned I’m a different person than the baby they were responsible for. The foster child ceased to exist when I was adopted.
I ceased to exist. I didn’t die. I didn’t change. I just ceased to exist.
That’s a pretty good trick, being able to make a person disappear. Anything at all could have happened, then it’s all just gone. Like it never happened.
But it did happen. It happened to me.
Since today is Earth Day I thought it would be a good time to look at the environmental impact of adoption.
As we all know the birth of any child, anywhere, has an environmental consequence, but how does adoption effect that?
Let’s start with the first thing we always hear about when adoption is considered, paperwork. To hear potential adopters talk there must be at least a ton of it. That’s a whole lot of trees gone, pollution from paper mills, and all the accompanying mess. Even if all this was done on 100% recycled paper the impact from all the energy from producing it would still make Al Gore wince.
But adoptive parents will raise their children in a more environmentally responsible way, you say. I’m not so sure.
The standard image of the birth parent driving an older less economical, carbon belching car while throwing Cheetos wrappers and 7-11 burrito leavings out of the window while speeding to a crack house isn’t quite accurate. Not is the image of the adoptive parent driving a vegetable oil burning hybrid compact SUV, pausing to pick up Cheetos wrappers for recycling, while driving sensibly to pick up the kids from the French Space Creative Writing Enrichment Camp.
In fact some of the reasons frequently cited for adoption amount to environmental nightmares. The first being that they can “give the child so much more”. While I don’t doubt that they indeed can give them more, I’m not convinced it’s a great idea. Have they checked where all those boring play to learn toys are made? Lead free doesn’t necessarily mean responsibly manufactured. Would a few less toys from Walmart really make a lot of difference? Exactly how many chemicals are being poured into that pool? Wouldn’t going to a public pool make more sense from an environmental point of view, even with the Cheetos wrappers abandoned along the route?
What about the impact of the child themselves? All those diaries filled with adoption angst don’t come cheap for mother Earth. Not to even mention the power it takes to produce the bandwidth for the social media pages filled with really bad teenage adoption poetry that is sure to follow. And while we are on the subject of bad poetry, any poem written by potential and/or current adoptive parents should just be banned, not just for the good of the Earth, but for the good of mankind in general. Trust me, plenty of bandwidth get wasted with comments about the ridiculousness of these efforts.
What all the original birth certificates that are sitting around in file cabinets all over the county. They are taking up valuable space and consuming energy to conceal. What about the rest of the records that seem destined to never see the light of day? Wouldn’t it make more sense to entrust them into the responsibility of the adoptee? To switch the carbon footprint of these papers to the one who they truly belong? Do they not trust us adoptees to be environmentally responsible with the care of our own records? Have the enviromentally irresponsible actions of others again stood in our way?
Are our original birth certificates even on acid free paper? Could this be the reason we aren’t allowed to see them?
I could go on. There are surely countless more reasons that adoption is not environmentally responsible. And I just might. I am an adoptee. I have bandwidth to waste.
I have too much time on my hands. I actually check my blog stats. They are disheartening. Not because I don’t have enough readers, I have those, but who is reading me.
Over the last few months the posts that get the most hits are those about my Holt Adoption Camp experience. This tells me more folks are googling Holt International, Adoption Camp, or “how do I get me one of those neato orphans?” in disturbing numbers.
That ain’t good.
You know what else isn’t good? If you check Holt International on Twitter, they are following this guy….
That’s right, “How To Create An Avalanche Of Profit”.
He also offers this little gem…
“My nine-year-old just built my website for me”
One wonders where exactly he got this 9 year-old.
Have you ever been in a car accident?
There’s a moment when you know that no matter what you do, that car is not going to come under your control. All the steering into the skid isn’t going to do a bit of good. You know that you are resigned to your fate, and all you can do is hope you don’t hit it too hard.
This happens within a few seconds, but there is a moment you know it’s not in your hands anymore. You have lost control. This is a very clear moment.
I’m not sure that everybody recognizes this moment. They may think there is still some hope, that a miracle will happen and they will escape impact with that other car, that tree, that ditch, that whatever, that is going to push all that momentum you’ve built up right back at you.
In the case of a car accident, this might be a good thing. All that hope might displace some of the absolute terror of knowing a very bad thing is coming very quickly.
In the case of legislation it is folly.
Things in California are spinning put of control on the adoptee rights front. There aren’t enough crumple zones in the world to save AB372. I’m not sure if some folks see that or not, but it is abundantly clear to rest of us.