I’m Not Strong

I’m not strong, I do probably look that way, but it’s an unintentional front. I am gutted, sad, screaming inside. I want my David back. I want to punch the fucking Universe in the face. I cannot fathom that my poor sweet husband had to go through that, he deserved better.

David wasn’t done. He still had so many things he wanted to do. I cry not just for the things we would do together, but the things he would achieve, the things he would make, the stuff he would make work. I cry for the beautiful days he won’t see and the good meals he won’t eat.

Losing him seems to be much too much about me and not nearly enough about him sometimes.

Make no mistake this is about David.

My sweet, smart, curious, and ambitious David.

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It’s National ADOPTION Month, Stupid.

It’s National ADOPTION Month, not National ADOPTEE Month.  If it were National ADOPTEE Month things would be way different.

If it were National Adoptee Month..

There wouldn’t be any of those sickening adoption fairs where they parade those poor kids around like a bunch puppies.

There would be access to original birth certificates for all adoptees.

There wouldn’t be people prattling on about showing their love for Jesus  by adopting children.

There would be a mission to acknowledge the loss this causes for the adoptee.

There would be no mass adoption finalizations gaveled in courtrooms packed with “new families” all over the county.

There would be a waiving of fees for adoptee access to court records concerning their adoption.

There wouldn’t  awareness campaigns touting how adoption can make an adult’s life complete.

There would be an awareness campaign bringing the fact that many adoptees need answers to make their lives complete.

There would be no propaganda about saving a child’s life.

There would be access to medical records that really could save an adoptee’s life.

But most of all, it would be about the ADOPTEE, not ADOPTION.

 

 

 

Adoption Acronyms

I was first introduced to acronyms on my first job.  This was back in the days before computers and we had to fill out reams of paperwork.  We had an acronym for everything.  On our first day we received a large binder filled with them arranged both alphabetically and by their use.  Since that time acronyms have grown to take over not just work environments, but our everyday lives.

The adoption community has enthusiastically embraced acronyms.  We are almost to the point that one needs one of those binders just to get through a simple blog post, but I wonder if we have used them to our best advantage.  I see no reason we shouldn’t co-op, change, and claim existing acronyms, as well as make up new ones.  For example:

ADD, possibly the most overused, and possibly over diagnosed acronym of all time, especially for adoptees.  Attention Deficit Disorder?  Bah.  It stands for Adult Adoptee Disorder now.

RAD, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Rock Against Drugs, Rapid Application Development, take your pick.  Now it’s going to be Really Awesome Demonstration, thanks to..

ULB, Ungrateful Little Bastard.  Who shall now me known as Ultimate Little Bastard.

NCFA, National Council for Adoption?  I don’t think so.  Non-Compliant Frigging Adoptees has a nice ring to it.

ABC, amended birth certificate.  How about Absolute Bird Crap?

OBC, original birth certificate.  That one is ok, but Owned By Child sounds good too.

CI, confidential intermediary.  Certified Incompetent would be more accurate.

KAD, Korean Adoptee, which does work, but per Paula’s suggestion, I think Kicking Ass Daily also describes KADs very well too.  I think this one should be an either/or type of acronym.

IA, international Adoption.  Infertile Asshats has been suggested, Ineffective Acknowledgment, as to the effects of International Adoption on the adoptee also comes to mind.

BM, Birth mother, bowel movement, and several others I’m sure.  Baader-Meinhof, big mammaries or possibly big monsters when used in connection with AP insecurities.  Take your pick.

Now for some we can steal from others:

POA, Power of Attorney.  Pissed Off Adoptee.  To be used when they fond out what somebody did with the original acronym to their birth certificate.

POS, in the popular lexicon, Piece Of Shit, usually used to refer to automobiles.  Let’s just use this one for the original acronym ABC.

This is just a partial list, it is intended to be discussed, expanded and debated.  All suggestions will be considered.

Fovorite Blog Post for Grown In My Heart

This time on the GIMH carnival we are sharing some of out favorite blog posts.

OK, this might seem a bit odd, but I really like this post.  It is so funny, a bit scary, and real.  That’s why I like the great lady that writes this blog so much.  She has a way of making you feel like she has just called you up to let you know what’s going on,even if it’s a bit disturbing, or not at all.  It doesn’t matter.  She shares, and does it honestly.

Tongginator Stalker

First read this, then hook up at the carnival here.

I’m Back and In Trouble Already

I’m Seeing Double and have been sent to the principal’s office over at Grown In My Heart….

Seeing Double at Grown In My Heart.

Other than that, I’m adjusting.

I’m a freshman at a small mid-western university.  I always thought these things were made up, until it happened to me……

Actually I have managed to get myself enrolled in school.  We’ll see how that goes.  More later.

Ward Of The State (Slight Return)

Due to my recent employment situation, I am again dependent on the state.

It’s triggering.

As an adult adoptee most of my contact with the state has been adversarial.  I want my original birth certificate and they refuse to give it to me.  This because they think of me as a child that cannot understand my position.

The fact is, I understand my position very well.  Obtaining my OBC will not change a thing about who I am or what has happened to me, but it will make me feel like an adult.  It’s simple, but they won’t help me.  I’m  supposed to be fine with all that.

The state does  feel that I might need some help with my joblessness.  It’s been explained to me that losing a job can be very traumatic.

I get that.

The state has told me that’s it’s unfair and I shouldn’t be able to understand my situation.

I think I have a pretty good grasp on the situation, actually.

They tell me that I may feel like my identity has been taken away.

Um no.  I know what that feels like and this isn’t it.

They say this could be the most significant transition in my life.

Trust me, it’s so not.

They want me to know if I start to feel out of control or that I fear I might hurt myself, counseling is available.

Oh where have you been all of my life?

They even offered to set up a “rap session” for us to dicuss what we are going through.

No, in the name of all things holy, no.

I’m not trying to minimize  job loss here, it is hard, but it’s not like the end of my world.

Honestly I’m offended that they take unemployment so much more seriously than adoption.  I lost a job here, not my biological roots, not my name, not my identity.  I’m supposed to be just fine with being adopted and not require any kind of assistance dealing with it, but lose my job, and it’s time for intensive intervention.

What the hell ever.

Adoption and Adaption

First off, tweet for adoptee rights and a free Mary Gauthier “The Foundling” CD today with Claudia and The Adoptee Rights Coalition.  Good cause, free stuff, why wouldn’t you?

Second, get to work on your submissions for  Pieces Of Reunion.  A chance to tell your story, and get published, why wouldn’t you?

Now, what have I been up to?

I don’t even know where to begin.  Let’s just say that the next few months are going to bring a lot of changes for me.  Good changes, I hope.

But one thing is never going to change, I’ll always be adopted.  I can change my shirt, my hair color, my religious affiliation, my status on Facebook, but I can’t change that.

Some folks seem to think that they can deal with all the adoption shit and move on.  The thing is dealing with it doesn’t change it, it just gives you a different perspective.

I’ve been thinking a lot about change lately.  Events beyond my control have forced me to to.  By no decision of my own, my life is going through a major rearrangement. I wouldn’t have chosen this right now.  I would have been just as happy to continue as I was, for at least a while.

I knew things would have to change eventually.  It just never seemed like a good time.  But changes  never seem to happen in good times, and because times are bad, I’m out of a job that I’ve held for over 20 years.

I never meant to stay there this long, when I started I thought I’d be out of there in less than 6 months.  It’s complicated, and it involves my adoptive family, and I couldn’t explain it in less than 100,000 words.  Let’s just say the whole situation of late has left me feeling very adopted.

But, I’m OK with it.  I’m unsure, nervous, but not devastated or paralyzed.  I’ve no choice but to roll with it.  I wonder if some of this feeling of acceptance has something to do with being adopted.

My life has been subject to change from the very beginning.  I was born into one family, and through circumstances beyond my control I was given to another.  That’s as big a change as I can imagine.  I don’t think that being too young to remember this kept me from learning from it.  What are adoptee issues but the universe telling you that some adaption is in order?

As adoptees we are hyper vigilant, always looking out for something that’s different, something that’s changed.  But just because we are aware of changes doesn’t me we have problems reacting to those changes.

I’ve seen adoptees handle life changing experiences almost as if their plans for lunch had been canceled.  I suppose once you take away someone’s identity, they figure they can handle just about anything. Not to say any of these changes are easy for us, I just wonder if many of us have developed mechanisms for dealing with change, through our experiences.

Maybe I’ll get through this alright, maybe I won’t.  But I know it will be the circumstances the event brings on, not the event itself, that cause any future breakdowns. That may seem like a slim distinction, but it’s not. I don’t fear change.  I’m OK with uncertainty.  I expect it.

So I’m off to adapting again.  I’ll figure it out.  I’ll probably subject you to a lot of my figuring it.  I have learned that I’m not alone.  That’s been a lot of my adaption of the last few years.

I have over 20 years experience in retail, and over 40 as a bastard. The job market should be my oyster, huh?

Stay tuned, this could get interesting.