To Learn Grace..

..is a hard thing.  Some folks will never get the hang of it.

To me grace is something like respect, but in a personal condition,it has to come from not just action, but approach.  It has to come from the way that you think about things, and see the world.  

To learn grace you must realize in all but the most intimate places, you are a guest.  It’s not about deferring to your host, but being just as you are while still respecting that others may not share your outlook.

To learn grace you must never taunt.  Taunting is always clumsy, always disjointed, always a demonstration of gracelessness.  One cannot display grace by pointing out a perceived lack of grace.

To learn grace you must educate yourself.  If you don’t know who or what you are addressing, you are sure to trip.  You must not think that you can lead what you don’t understand.

To learn grace you must know not to be high handed.  The graceful do not see themselves as above others.  Offers of guidance are made from wanting to help, not wanting to dominate.  

To learn grace you must not assume.  Accept that the rather course explanation of the word assume that you were undoubtedly subjected to at some point in your life does have wisdom.  To assume is to make an ass out of you and me.

And finally to learn grace, you must listen.  You must listen to both your supporters and detractors.  When you cut through the praise and censure, there will be something that you can take away.

I don’t claim grace.  But I know it when I see it.

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Loss Of Control

Have you ever been in a car accident?

There’s a moment when you know that no matter what you do, that car is not going to come under your control.  All the steering into the skid isn’t going to do a bit of good.  You know that you are resigned to your fate, and all you can do is hope you don’t hit it too hard.  

This happens within a few seconds, but there is a moment you know it’s not in your hands anymore.  You have lost control.  This is a very clear moment.

I’m not sure that everybody recognizes this moment.  They may think there is still some hope, that a miracle will happen and they will escape impact with that other car, that tree, that ditch, that whatever, that is going to push all that momentum you’ve built up right back at you.

 In the case of a car accident, this might be a good thing.  All that hope might displace some of the absolute terror of knowing a very bad thing is coming very quickly.  

In the case of legislation it is folly.  

Things in California are spinning put of control on the adoptee rights front.  There aren’t enough crumple zones in the world to save AB372.  I’m not sure if some folks see that or not, but it is abundantly clear to rest of us.