Did Jesus Tell You To Lie?

Seems that somebody is having a bit trouble with the truth.  I had engaged in a very civil discourse on open adoption records with this liar and she twisted my words.  I don’t like that.  It seems that she wants to make people believe that I support “mutual consent” in matters of birth certificate access.

Crazy lying bitch.  I do not in any way support mutual consent laws.  I believe that adoptees should have free access to their birth certificates.

Here’s the post followed by comments..

he Legal History of Adoption in the U.S.

“Kippa Herring” has posted several comments regarding the research of Professor Elizabeth Samuels, who published her overview of the legal history of adoption in the U.S. in the Rutgers Law Review ( Winter 2001), entitled  “The Idea of Adoption.” Rather than print selected quotes from Samuel’s work, I’ve decided to refer you to the article so you can read it in its entirety.

Although Professor Samuels (like Kippa) is in favor of mandated open records (as opposed to the “mutual consent” approach advocated by the National Council for Adoption and myself), Samuels’ paper is helpful in providing a historical context for understanding the complexities of the issue, and how balancing the respective (often conflicting) needs and responsibilities of all three sides of the adoption triad have challenged state legislatures and social agencies alike for more than sixty years.

For those of you who are new to this, mandated open records ”unseal” original birth certificates of adult adopted children (and other persons of interest), regardless of whether the biological parents agree to having identifying information released to the (adult) child.

At this time, only a handful of states allow adult adoptees unrestricted access to their original records, although this is something that a variety of nationally organized advocacy groups (such as “Bastard Nation” and “Unsealed Initiative” are fighting to change).

Nevertheless, adoptive parents will want to educate themselves about the issue so you can be prepared when your child broaches the subject of his birth parents. Not all adopted children decide to look for their birth parents, but most have feelings about their birth families that we — their parents – need to help them work through, even if search and reunion is not a possibility.

Information is power, the saying goes. By educating ourselves about the issues surrounding adoption, we empower ourselves to give our children the support they need to reconcile and integrate the two sides of their heritage.

No two families will approach this the same way. It may be that your child has no interest in finding his birth family. If he does, try to relax and not take it as a sign that he is rejecting you.From what I’ve read, there seems to be little connection between an adopted child’s desire to know his birth family and the strength of the bond he has with his adoptive parents. Just this afternoon I spoke with a radio producer whose older sister found her birth family, and yet he had no desire to do so.

In any event, this article is well worth reading, no matter where in the adoptive triad you stand.

4 Responses to “The Legal History of Adoption in the U.S.”

  1. Thank you for posting this, Heidi.

    “Information is power, the saying goes.”
    Which is one reason, among others, why adopted people deserve to have the right to information about their origins restored to them – and I use the word “restored” deliberately, because that right was eroded and eventually lost during the middle of the 20th century.

    I would also like to include the opinion of Margaret Somerville, Canadian ethicist and academic. She is the Samuel Gale Professor of Law, Professor in the Faculty of Medicine and the Founding Director of the Faculty of Law’s Centre for Medicine, Ethics and Law at McGill University. She is a remarkable woman and someone to be taken seriously even where one disagrees with her.

    The excerpt (below) is from a 2007 panel discussion about ethical problems relating to assisted reproductive technology, but she also relates to children’s human rights in general:

    “Recently I’ve been working on children’s human rights with respect to their biological origins and biological families.
    In that work I’ve argued that we must recognize that children have human rights with respect to knowing the identity of their biological parents and, if at all possible, their immediate and wider biological families; having a mother and a father, preferably their own biological parents; and to come from natural biological origins.”

    She also says that “It is one matter for children not to know their genetic identity as a result of unintended circumstances.
    It is quite another matter to deliberately destroy children’s links to their biological parents, and especially for society to be
    complicit in this destruction.”

    You can read more here:
    http://www.canadianconstitutionfoundation.ca/files/pdf/The%20Intersection%20of%20Freedom%20-%20Margaret%20Somerville.pdf

    She also believes that emphasis should be placed on the rights of the child, so that if an adopted person seeks disclosure of their adoption records, that information should be disclosed *whether the parent who placed the child consents or not*, because everyone has the human right to know their origins.
    The reverse, on the other hand, wouldn’t necessarily hold true. In her opinion, a parent would only be entitled to information about a child who’d been placed for adoption if they consented.

  2. “For those of you who are new to this, mandated open records ”unseal” original birth certificates of adult adopted children..”

    Also for those who are new to this it might be worth noting that adoptees do not remain children all of their lives. They do become adults. For perspective should those not adopted be referred to as adult biological children, adult natural children, adult unadopted children? Sounds rather silly, doesn’t it?

  3. I would think that even those who are new to adoption would realize that children (by definition) grow up.

    It was a simple typo. Thanks for pointing it out.

  4. Kippa:

    “…having a mother and a father, preferably their own biological parents; and to come from natural biological origins.”

    With regard to reproductive technology, I’d have to say that Professor (?) Sommerville is arguing against invitro and other forms of artificial reproduction, which is consistent with traditional Catholic teaching. And I fully agree that, if mandated open records becomes the norm, donor records must also be released as well. That would be simple justice — the same standard for both mother and father.

    As for the final paragraph, it’s important to distinguish between “rights” and “desires.” As “Addie” pointed out, these individuals are no longer children, but adults. “Mutual consent” would seem to be the logical middle ground.

    Nice try fuckwit.

    here’s the second comment she refused to put up…

    Comment:
    Please do not presume that I would think that mutual consent would be a logical middle ground.  I do not.  My biological history belongs to me, just as yours belongs to you.  I have as much right to know what that heritage is as anyone else.

    There is no middle ground.  Something that is so uniquely mine cannot be denied me, it is my right to know this.


    And the response..

    Frankly, it’s not my concern whether you think this is logical middle ground — you are entitled to your opinion, and the express it … on YOUR blog.

    As I’ve said to Kippa, I’m not interested in prolonging the discussing about open records on my blog at this time. There are strong points of view, and frankly because each of us has formed an opinion from which we are unlikely to budge, further discussion is pointless. I’ve deleted your comment, in keeping with my comments policy.

    Feel free to link and respond as you see fit … but at EMN, I get to moderate and direct the conversation as I see fit. I’m sorry if you disagree with my viewpoint.

    Heidi Saxton

    Author, “Raising Up Mommy” and “Behold Your Mother” (http://www.christianword.com)

    Founder, “Extraordinary Moms Network”
    (
    http://extraordinarymomsnetwork.wordpress.com)

    Proud of herself, isn’t she?
    Well that bitch can lick me.
    She’s a liar who will do anything to support her little bitty position.  Her faith and/or intelligence is obviously so weak that she will not take on a civil debate.  She just another useless crying bitch who can’t back up what she lays down.
    Now go do your penance for being a liar, little Heidi.  Jesus will forgive you.

Oh, and if you’ll notice she said that she would delete my comment from her blog.  She hasn’t done that either.  Just another lie.

OK, she finally took that down.  But she’s still a liar.

Here’s my latest communication with Heidi The High Strung Convert..

Hah! Thanks for such a constructive and thoughtful response.

I’ve not read your blog, and based on what I’ve read about your perspective
so far, I seriously doubt that will change anytime soon. But I’m sure there
are plenty of those who share your viewpoint who will be happy to let you
“preach to the choir.” I just happen not to be one of them.

H.

And my response..

No sweetie, it’s you that has the choir.  I have minions, they look
like the monkeys that fly out your ass every time you lie.  Well I
have the minions, and I have readers.  You see if I bring up a topic
I’m willing to defend my position, it’s called integrity. I doubt you
would know anything about it.


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Really Bad Titles For Adoption Books

In honor of National Adoption Awareness Month I was perusing the adoption titles available at Amazon.  I’m not planning on reading any of them and certainly don’t recommend that you do.  I just wanted to see what passed for kiddie grab lit these days.  I just have one question.  What the hell were these people thinking?  

 

A Blessing from Above  (Little Golden Book) by Patti Henderson and Elizabeth Edge

Seems to perpetuate the stork myth.  Well might as well, at least from an APs perspective, hell babies might as well grow on trees, money trees from their perspective.


The Complete Adoption Book: Everything You Need to Know to Adopt a Child by Laura Beauvais-Godwin and Raymond Godwin 

Yeah right, get back to us in about 20 years.

 

I Wished for You – an Adoption Story by Marianne R Richmond 

Well if wishes were horses….blah blah blah

 

We Belong Together: A Book About Adoption and Families by Todd Parr

Yeah, just keep telling yourself that…

 

The Complete Book of International Adoption: A Step by Step Guide to Finding Your Child by Dawn Davenport

Does it come with a map?  How about both hands and an ass?

 

Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections by Jean MacLeod and Sheena Macrae

Seems to combine adoption with DIY, interesting concept.  Did anyone tell them they can’t just pick up baby’s in front of the Home Depot every morning?

 

Happy Adoption Day! by John McCutcheon and Julie Paschkis

Do I even have to comment here?  Come up with your own.  It’s just too easy.

 

 

Adoption Is for Always (An Albert Whitman Prairie Book) by Linda Walvoord Girard and Judith Friedman

Unfortunately they are right.

 


I Don’t Have Your Eyes by Carrie A. Kitze

No, you don’t.  Duh.

 

Adoption for Dummies by Tracy Barr and Katrina Carlisle

Well that should make them feel comfortable.


Raising Adopted Children, Revised Edition: Practical Reassuring Advice for Every Adoptive Parent by Lois Ruskai Melina

Because we all know that it’s the APs who need all the reassurance. 

 

The Ultimate Insider’s Guide to Adoption: Everything You Need to Know About Domestic and International Adoption by Elizabeth Swire Falker 

Funny, I wasn’t consulted.  Guess I’m not really an insider.  

 

The Post-Adoption Blues: Overcoming the Unforseen Challenges of Adoption by Karen J. Foli and John R. Thompson

All I can say here is just shut the fuck up.  Please.

 


The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Adoption, Second Edition by Christine Adamec

Seems that there are lots of idiots and dummies adopting these days.  It’s a second edition, did they lose the first one?  

 

Who Are My Real Parents? by D. L. Fuller

Let me guess.  

 


All About Adoption: How Families Are Made & How Kids Feel About It by Marc A. Nemiroff, Jane Annunziata, and Carol Koeller

Please tell me ALL about it.  Especially how I feel.  I can’t fucking wait.  

 

Adoption: The Essential Guide to Adopting Quickly and Safely by Randall Hicks

Wouldn’t want to get a paper cut.  

 

Chicken Soup for the Adopted Soul: Stories Celebrating Forever Families (Chicken Soup for the Soulby Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, and LeAnn Thieman L.P.N

Are forever famlies subject to salmonella ?

 

So I Was Thinking About Adoption…: Considering Your Choices by Mardie Caldwell

There you go thinking again, don’t hurt yourself.

 

Launching a Baby’s Adoption: Practical Strategies for Parents and Professionals by Patricia Irwin Johnston

Isn’t baby launching still illegal in several states? 

 

Riding on Angels Wings: My Spiritual and Physical Pregnancies: The Tale of our Two Sons by Cynthia Mae Burris

There is so much here I really don’t want to know.  

 

Sasha’s Little Red Box: An Adoption Story by Sandra Jones

Hmmm…sounds dirty and not in a good way.

 

Kimchi & Calamari by Rose Kent 

No thanks, I just ate.





 



If You Really Hate Me…

here’s a chance to have a great time reading an in depth analysis of me.

Adopto-moron talks about Addie, Jesus, and lots of other things she has no idea about.

You’ll also be treated to some really great church music.

Here are some highlights…..

How do we know? And then what should we do about it? Does all of this matter in the “big picture” of life? I’m realizing that there is a lot of controversy surrounding this topic . . . . and there a many adult adoptees who did not have that “wonderful” experience that we all strive to accomplish when we, as parents, decide to build our family through adoption. I discovered this blog yesterday, and it broke my heart. And, having raised my own four biological children before adopting Gracie and Annie, I know that biology guarantees nothing. Some children, adopted and non-adopted, grow up feeling safe, secure, loved, and cherished . . . . . and others, oftentimes in the same family and experiencing exactly the same parenting style, grow up angry, disillusioned, and frustrated with the world.

Luckily my a-parents style was much different than yours, honey.

BTW, I’m not frustrated with the world, just your little ruffly corner of it. Did you even read my blog, or just the post about that Chapman dork?

I think that sometimes people who grow up as adoptees, assume that everything in their life that was or is negative, would be different if they just hadn’t been adopted by THESE parents, or that everything would be better in their life if they hadn’t been adopted at all.

Good that you’re thinking, but you’re wrong. I’m sure you’re used to that. Actually my life’s pretty positive. I never said my a-folks were bad parents. In fac, if you read as well as you “think” you’d know that.

Has anyone ever done the assume thing with you? You know when you assume you make an ass out of you and me? Ever heard that? Guess not.

Life is difficult, no matter the circumstance.

No shit, Sherlock.

I realize there are specific issues that revolve around adoption . . . . .

Yes, and the Earth revolves around the sun. Good thinking there genius.

I was adopted by my step-father at the age of five. And I met my biological father once, when I was 17, and when I could not do what he needed me to do for him, he sent me away and I’ve never heard from him since. I don’t even know if he is still living.

Are you projecting your bad adoption experience onto me? Sure looks like it.

And we need to have great compassion for those who have suffered heartache from their experiences of adoption.

I’m really try here with you. Next time you might let me know you’d linked to me, it makes me feel much more compassionate, since we’ve established you need that.

Perhaps they will talk with me, so that I can learn how recognize the kinds of issues that cause life-long frustration and resentment. I’m an optimist!

Good for you. The world loves an optimist. Now go optimize on somebody else.

Because many children who are adopted are there because the birth parents loved them so much, that they were willing to suffer the heart break of allowing their children to leave them for a better life.

There you go assuming again, ass out of you and me, remember?

You obviously have no idea what my story is, so shut the fuck up. You stupid know it all repressed little piece of brainlesness.

It’s a serious discussion, but one which me must enter into. Adoption is about a life, a very precious individual, and we must always remember that.

Yeah it is a serious discussion and you’re obviously not ready to have it. You might try preparing yourself before you attempt to engage in a discussion next time.

Great huh?

I hope my haters have enjoyed this little interlude. I sure know I have.

I Don’t Moderate Comments..

so when I get a notification that I need to moderate a comment it usually means someone’s threatening legal action. This one came as kind of surprise, in reference to this post, Jesus Freak Saves Orphans..(I removed the links to protect the guilty, BTW)

Hi, fellow adoption blogger,

I’m sorry to spam you with this, but I’m an adoption blogger being threatened and I need your help.
Warmly,
AB

This article was published in our local paper. It was live yesterday, apparently they removed it.

I blogged about it here. some months ago, using direct quotes. I got this comment yesterday, then again today in my private email box:

A.B. You need to remove your Blog on “Read it and Puke”. Your blog is not based on Fact and it is very offensive to this family. I do not want Lisa and Scotty to see what you have written as they did not write the newspaper article. It was written by someone that does not know them and to be quite honest they were pressured by family to submit a picture to help advertise the fundraiser. The author of the article may not be familiar with the process of adoption or the complete intentions of this couple. They actually were trying to adopt a special needs child. And they actually have explored the option of DHR adoption. They were urged from friends that are foster parents not to adopt from within that system for personal reasons that do not include “just wanting a little white infant”. This was not a requirement of the Bartlett’s. What you have to understand is that just by your reading an article written by someone that does not know them does not justify such a hateful blog
personally attacking them as a couple or their intentions to adopt. If someone wrote and article about you or your work with the School or your church…. and it was someone you did not know, basically you have no control over what they publish. Some information may be speculation or just filling in the spaces to make an article they feel is worth reading. I beg of you to remove this before they see it. They have been through many hard times and much loss. Lisa has never been able to have a baby. They have been trying for many years to conceive. And for the record neither one of them are fertile. If you have never been in this situation and you have been obviously very blessed with your beautiful children you have no idea how hard this can be for a childless couple. I know that the internet is a place for free speech. But I would not think that the type person you portray yourself to be would not want to intentionally inflict pain on this family. You obviously work with the public,
school, and with your business and connections with your church I would not think that this is the type impression that you would want to make. I do not honestly believe that you would intentionally want to harm someone by such a hurtful article as “READ IT AND PUKE”. Please consider what I am asking to do. There is nothing good that can come of these words written against them.

If I do not hear from you I will explore my other options. Legal, etc.

I need anyone who is a blogger to read the quotes and blog about it if you want to.
FWIW Here is my response:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am simply a blogger blogging on newspaper articles and social networking sites published openly. The inferences drawn were reasonable. It is up to the newpaper publisher to confirm the factuality of stories they publish. As a blogger, I reacted to */quotes in a news story./* Not individuals. When a story is published it becomes fair game for open discussion, and not everyone who read the story would feel that their motives were good and noble. It is possible that the family did not know this upfront.

I don’t “hold myself out to be” anything other than a sinner, saved by grace. I did soften the (many months old) post after receiving your comment.
I regret that you feel that the comments made might be hurtful to the family. As an adoptee, few things drive me to vitriol than sentiments that people deserve babies and it is unfair to deprive them of them. I disagree that there is little or no good that comes of blog postings like mine. People slowly realize that healthy adopted infants grow up, that we are not chattel, and that we aren’t always appreciative for what transpires, purportedly on our behalf.
If you feel that my blog post is deserving of legal action, I am happy to encourage your attorney to correspond directly with my attorney.
Yours,


Mrs. B.I have no idea who these people are. The commenter seems to be an adoptee, Christian mom, who had about the same reaction to the Chapman story that I did, if in a bit milder way. Who this person is threatening legal, again, I have no idea.

That’s what bothers me.

The letter in the link wasn’t signed, there was no link, or email address, to where it might have come from. I have no idea if this person threatening legal action is somehow connected to the Chapman organization ( I doubt it), a crazed stalker fan (I assume Chapman has those), or just a pissed off church lady(my bet). Whatever, I’m not linking it up. I don’t take anything on faith at According To Addie, and I’m not about to get into the middle of a church lady cat fight.

The fact that my post had nothing to do with the article that AB’s (whoever she is) post was linked to, also makes me wonder. I linked to an entirely different article. Could this be a lame ass attempt at some kind of viral marketing? Who knows? It just doesn’t seem right.

I suppose this frustrates me further because I was hoping to inspire some really good righteous cross pounding by militant Christian adoptive parents with my original post. I found it disappointing I was only able to draw one slightly miffed post concerning the legal definition of an orphan. I had hopes for rabid fans and adoptors galore.

Oh well, I’ll just throw this cross up on the hill and see what happens.

Where The Hell Have I Been?

It’s a legit question, where the hell have I been?

Well, other than the obvious internet drama and the phoenix like upcoming of
Advocating For Change

and a bit of a technical problem with my blog, don’t ask, and don’t ask WordPress either, nobody knows.

there have been a few more events in my life that took all my time.

Oh where to begin?

How about with my dog?

Apollo, he’s a furry adoptee of unknown heritage. I didn’t adopt him, my since deceased Rottie, Mars, did. One evening, my hubby and I returned home to a commotion in the garage. Instantly we both feared that Mars had an animal trapped, and wasn’t going to let it go without eating it. So I sent my husband in. Instead of hearing the growling and screams I expected, hubby was cooing at something, so I went in. There was the cutest, thinnest little yellow puppy I had ever seen. Mars, the big bad Rottie, who had never shown one bit of interest in any other dog, was licking and petting it. He looked up at us as if to say, “This is Apollo, he kind of out of a place right now, mind if he crashes here for a while?”

We let the puppy stay. He was always very much Mars’ dog. Mars taught him to behave, and when to eat, and how to treat the people bearing food and affection. He raised Apollo well, though he was never really a people kind of dog, he was a dog dog that kind of liked hubby and I.

When Mars passed away Apollo got a bit closer to us, but there wasn’t a real close connection, we were like foster masters. He seemed okay with it, he preferred to do dog things and we let him.

We moved him at the beginning of last week. His new area allows him onto our back porch and a good view of us through the windows when we are in the back of the house. I don’t know if it was the stress of the move or being closer to us all the time, but he has decided that he is our dog now. He wants to be with us all the time. It’s kind of nice to have a dog that prefers our company again, but he feels that he should be able to come and go as we do. He, in fact leaves every time that we do.

His new fence is constructed exactly the same way, and of the same materials, as his old fence. The only difference being this one will not hold him, as far as I can tell nothing will.

Day One: The fenced area is complete, looks pretty good, we go to get the dog. He fine with the car ride, and seemingly his new area. It’s very large, 100 feet by 50 feet, includes our patio, back porch, lots of lawn, bushes and flowers, doggie heaven.

We show him around, walk him around it, spend a few hours out there with him. When we go inside he finds out that he can see us and the cats in the windows. He seems fine with that. We have our dinner, bid him good-night and go to bed. Thinking everything is fine in doggie-world. Dog seems happy.

Day Two: Husband goes home for lunch, no dog. There is no evidence of escape. He calls me, I leave work early and we begin the search. We walk the entire neighborhood, drive every street in town, even check out the pound, no Apollo. Just as we are about to give up, we check the pound again, there he is, rested, fed, and happy.

We go up to city hall and pay his bail, provide vial statistics, pick him up, and bring him home. The dog catcher remarked on what a nice, well behaved dog Apollo was. I almost asked him if he wanted to keep him. I watch over dog while hubby makes the fence higher. After several hours in the cold and rain, we are satisfied that doggie cannot escape.

I went in to dry off and shower the great smell of wet dog off. I had no more than got my hands washed when I saw him wriggling under the fence. I manged to run out and with the use of a flying tackle, catch the dog. This was a learning experience for both me and Apollo, he learned that yes, I can catch him, and I learned that I’m way too old for that flying tackle shit. I still hurt.

Hubby and I spend the next few hours staking the fence to the ground-in the 40 degree rain. I was beginning to wonder why I ever wanted a dog in the first place. Dog seems happy.

Again satisfied that doggie couldn’t escape, we are our dinner, bid Apollo good-night, and went to bed.

Day Three: Dog was still there in the morning. Good.

When my husband came home for lunch, the dog greeted him at the front door. Hubby returned Apollo to his enclosure and staked down another route of possible escape. He returned to work by 12:30. Before 1:00 PM, the neighbor called and said he had seen the dog out and had put him into our garage.

I did not know this. I was leaving work early so hubby and I could go out to dinner and do some shopping for stronger fencing material, in a nearby town. Upon my arrival at home, I see that hubby’s car is gone and so is the dog. I assume the worst. I cannot reach hubby on his cell phone, so I commence to search. I try Doggie Jail, no luck. drive all over town, no luck. An hour later, I see hubby at an intersection, follow him home, and he tells me that the dog has been in the garage all this time. He has been out buying fence strengthening materials.

Great.

We work on the fence again. It is warm and sunny which makes things a bit better, but it is clear that we aren’t going out for dinner. The dog has actually pulled out the extra stakes in the fence that we had put in the day before. We get this fixed.

We decide it might be wise to walk out into the yard and see if the dog will try to get out to follow us. As we walk away, the dog is pulling at the stakes with his teeth. When he finds that he cannot remove these, he begins to climb the fence. There is one point in the fence that was already there, it has grapes, honeysuckle and trumpet vine growing on it. He is pulling at the vines so he can get over the fence. The intelligence required to figure this and removing the stakes does astound me. This dog is solving problems. He gets out and comes happily running up to us.

We put a top board on the fence. It is dark now. Dog seems happy.

We go inside, have our dinner, bid the doggie a good-night, and go to bed.

Day Four: Dog is still there. Hubby is off work. He plans an all-out fence assault. This requires materials. As he goes to leave to fortify his arsenal, the dog greets him at the front door. Hubby puts dog in the garage and heads out for the lumber yard.

When he returns, the garage door is up about a foot and a half. The dog is happily playing at the neighbors. Yes, the dog opened the garage door. He’s like Steve fucking McQueen in The Great Escape, and that really worries me because we keep our motorcycles in the garage.

This is how it now stands. If you see a well behaved Shepard mix, give me a call.