It’s an Adoptee Thing

I haven’t been adopted much lately. I’m blowing off more Adoptee Rights Demonstration meetings than I attending, I haven’t blogged, honestly I haven’t given adoption much thought. It will always be there.

Adoption is always there, it runs like a current below everything thing else. Below the big losses that everyone experiences, below the day-to-day bullshit, even below the happy. Adoption is just there and I know it’s not going anywhere. I’ve dealt with it long enough I can ignore it, for a while.

There are, however, some things I cannot let go. I can’t sit back and see the work adoptees, and their supporters, have done collectively be co-opted, corrupted, or used to leverage an unrelated goal. So many have worked so hard, so tirelessly, so long, and that work is really beginning to pay off.

The right to identity is a civil right, an adoptee’s civil right. It really is all about us. Don’t forget it. Don’t make me get all adopted again.


Who Can Just Go Get Fucked This Year

I’m coming up on 5 months since I lost David, I’m in the middle of mid-terms, and my birthday is next week. That’s right, I’m a stressed out widowed adoptee just about to have a birthday. Folks who know what this means are already looking for something to crawl under. So in lieu of felonious assault, here are my fuck yous for the year..

The Forty-sixth annual Fuck You list…

The Medical Community-no explanation needed, but I’m going to bitch a bit anyway. I do not give a damn if you will never pay off your student loans, that you are not allowed to practice as you wish, or construction on your new summer home is six months behind schedule, you fucked up and fucked up bad. Not only did you lose one, so did I, and a whole lot of other people. Your decisions effect lives, forever, at least you could try not to be an asshole about things. Oh and quit billing my husband’s worthless estate for killing him.

The Funeral Industry-again no explanation required. I hate everyone of those fuckers. You can take your fake sympathy and shove it up your ass.

The Greeting Card Industry-I’m fucking well aware that I’ve lost someone, thanks for putting on the front of a card to remind me. Is this supposed to make me feel better? Widow pro-tip for my readers, don’t send sympathy cards, send friendship cards. The sentiments of some greeting card writer are not comforting. Poets and Jesus may care, but you can’t buy it for $2.75.

The Greeting Card Industry Again-Like I said my birthday is coming up, and I have to pick out birthday cards for a couple of adoptee friends today. I’m thinking they aren’t going to have anything that expresses my true sentiments of “Gee sorry about this day that brings up all your abandonment issues, but you’re my friend, and I want you to have a good day anyway.”

The Adoption Industry-Duh.

Facebook-Really? What the fuck dude? ‘Nuff said

The Entertainment Industry-This has to be the worst year yet for adoption themed movies, television shows, and any other thing they can throw at us. I got so goddamn tired of not being able to watch a pissing thing without the fucking wonder of adoption being thrown in my face this year, I told DirecTV to take a hike. I’m much happier. Thanks. And don’t even get me started on “still young woman loses her husband and goes on to make a life for herself” bullshit. Yeah it happens and it’s happening to me, but for fucks sake, it’s not one bit inspirational and being widowed doesn’t make me a goddamned saint. The whole let’s make the character widowed instead of divorced so we all know she’s a good girl thing makes me want to clean out the china cabinet with a baseball bat. Fuck you, my trauma didn’t cleanse me.

Verizon Wireless-Talk about profiting on death. They really need to have a recently widowed plan. I think I might have spent as much money with them as it cost to bury David in the first three months after he was gone. Fuck you.

David-Yeah, David. Fuck you for leaving me. Fuck you for not being here to take me out to dinner when I finish up my mid-terms. Fuck you for leaving me the mess of your life to clean up. Fuck you for not being late with my birthday present this year and wrapping up a picture of whatever you just got around to ordering me. Fuck you for loving me. Fuck you for dying.

I’m going to stop for now, but I’m not done.

I Live In the the State of Stupid or Why Snake Handling and Cousin Fucking are No Substitute for Satire

After waking very pleasantly this morning, I commenced with my morning routine. This involves drinking a whole lot of coffee, reading online news sources and making disparaging comments about whatever idiot idea Joe Scarborough is pontificating on at the moment. Like I said, I feeling good, looking forward to a beautiful early fall day in Missouri, when I saw this…

Missouri local school board ends ban on Slaughterhouse Five

12:46am EDT

By Kevin Murphy

KANSAS CITY, Missouri (Reuters) – A school board in southwest Missouri on Monday restored two books it had banned from public schools for being contrary to teachings in the Bible.

The Republic School Board voted 6-0 to make the two books – “Slaughterhouse-Five” and “Twenty Boy Summer” – available to students for independent reading as long as they are kept in a secure section of the school library.

Only parents or guardians can check them out.

Under a policy the board adopted in July, teachers still cannot make the books required reading nor read them aloud in school. The old policy had removed the books from the school altogether.

The novel Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut is a satirical account of the bombing of Dresden, Germany, during World War II. Some people object to violence, language and sexual material in the book.

“Twenty Boy Summer,” by Sarah Ockler, is about young people and sexual relationships.

Area resident Wesley Scroggins, a Missouri State University associate business professor, objected to those books and other materials he said “create false conceptions of American history and government and or that teach principles contrary to Biblical morality and truth.”

Several anti-censorship organizations, such as the American Civil Liberties Union, sharply criticized the book ban, which received national attention.

In August, The Kurt Vonnegut Memorial Library in Indianapolis offered up to 150 copies of “Slaughterhouse-Five” to any Republic students who wanted to read it.

(Edited by Peter Bohan)

When I read the headline I thought, “Good, it’s hard enough to live in a state in which the current media exposure consists of a semi-reality series about running a truck stop, (yeah, I’ve been there, don’t judge me) without the anti-intellectual drama of book banning.” Then I read the article.

Seriously, Missouri? Mommy has to check out a Kurt Vonnegut novel for you?

And who is this Wesley Scroggins? Has anyone checked on this moron’s credentials? If this guy actually has higher education, he is a testament to the worthlessness of business degrees these days and possibly the value of any degree from Missouri State University.

Mr. Scroggins, since you you apparently busy with an Ol’ Time Religion Snake Handling and Cousin Fucking Tent Revival the week they covered this, let me give you a clue, education is not about indoctrination, it’s about exposure to ideas. Good education allows the student to form their own ideas and philosophies. Your personal beliefs are irrelevant in this context. It’s not a complicated concept, you should be able to grasp it, even if the more complicated concept of satire is something I’m sure will always elude you.

If you were capable of understanding satire, you would, no doubt, see the humor in your situation.

You say allowing young minds to be exposed to the content of these two books would, “create false conceptions of American history and government and or that teach principles contrary to Biblical morality and truth.” Really? Because you should know that history is an always developing discipline, encompassing opposing viewpoints of how history should be interpreted. Not to mention you work for a secular institution, supported by a government who at its very heart separates church and state. Are you seeing the humor here yet? 
Mr, Scroggins, you are at best ignorant, and at worst profiting from an institution that promotes ideas contrary to your own values. Either way, you do not belong there. I suggest you become a lay preacher at a truck stop.

Inspirational Clusterfuck

Life is an inspirational clusterfuck. Sometimes the things, the situations, the people, that inspire us most are the most fucked up.  Perfection has no place in moving us through life. Perceived perfection is pretty, comfortable, and safe, but it doesn’t inspire.

Perfection only exists in the minds of the deluded. It’s all really a clusterfuck.  If you recognize this, it gives you perspective, but no advantage.  You’re going to walk right into it. You can do nothing else.

After spending some time in the bubble of perceived perfection, where we must all go sometimes to maintain our sanity, the absolute enormity of the clusterfuck can be overwhelming.  It can take your voice, your heart, your whole self. It can be like adjusting to altitude. It incapacitates until you adjust, you just can’t get your feet under yourself.

Sometimes you find your bearings in time, sometimes you don’t.  If you don’t find your feet in time, you can only hope the nature of this clusterfuck will bring you back around.  If all isn’t still, there’s hope.



Adoption Reunion Stories Needed

You’ve probably already heard about this since Claudia is the Undisputed Queen of the Internet, and beat me to it, but we’re going to edit a book.  A book about adoption reunion.  A book that is going to feature stories from you.

This is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.  When I started searching, I found a lot of information on how to find my birth parents, I got lots of help from search angels, first parenrts, fellow adoptees, even a social worker and an adoptive parent or two.  I would have not found my first mother without them.  They gave me a map, let me know what to expect, and provided me with a sense of community. It was good and I’ll forever be in their debt.

But once I found my first family, I felt like I was on my own.  There were a few blogs out there, a few folks on message boards who were talking about their reunions, but at that time it was still pretty thin.  I couldn’t find many books that dealt with how to handle reunion, so many just stopped at found.  So I proceeded without much of a map.

Luckily when things really started to go south in my reunion I had found a community.  At the time there weren’t many of us but enough to get me through a rough patch. I think those folks saved my life.

Now there is a lot more information out there.  More people are talking about reunion past the first hugs and honeymoon period, more people are blogging, more people are sharing.  That’s good. Their stories are wonderful, painful, amazing, inspiring, crazy making, and every other feeling imaginable.

I wanted to bring these stories together, in one place, for those just going into reunion, and for those who are finding their way through reunion.  Some of the best stories can be hard to find, and I know, there are new stories out there that need to be heard.

I knew that I would need help with this, another perspective, someone knowledgeable that had been through the experience.  Claudia was the first to come to mind. She was a first parent, in reunion, and has a deep understanding of issues surrounding adoption.  She’s also a hell of a writer, gorgeous, and way cooler than me.  I wasn’t sure I could get her on board., but I thought I’d give it a try.  I was pretty sure if she thought it was a dumbass idea, at least she’d tell me nicely.

She liked the idea and we were off.  I had contributed an essay to Pieces Of Me; Who Do I Want To Be, the teen book from EMK Press.  I loved that book, it let adoptees say what they needed to say, it was honest.  I wanted the reunion book to be like that.  So I put on my confident writer persona and brought the idea to Carrie Kitze, the publisher at EMK Press.  She’s way cooler than me too, so I figured if she thought it was a dumbass idea, she would also tell me nicely.

Carrie liked it.  I can’t thank her enough for giving all of us this opportunity to tell our stories.

So now we are really off.  I need your help too.  I need you to write about your reunion, the good and the bad.  I need you to be honest and not hold anything back.  I need you to tell others what you wished you had known.  This book is about you, and your experiences, your feelings, your stories.

Help me out here, please.  I know we can do something wonderful.

Below is a link to the call for submissions, it will give you some ideas, and the information you need to tell your story.

Pieces Of Reunion-Call for Submissions

Thank you.