Lawmakers Have Us Under their Spell…

or do they?

Grown In My Heart post.

What do you think?

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Ten Things I Wish I Knew Before I Was Touched By Adoption

This is my contribution to the Grown In My Heart Adoption Carnival.  Get in on it too, right here.  Use the Mr. Linky thing.

Go on, you know you want to.

First, I wasn’t touched by adoption.  The only folks ‘touched by adoption’ are random viewers of Adoption Stories or some other heart-tugging-ain’t-adoption- great TV show.  People are touched by the stories of others, or possibly an uncle, but not adoption.  Adoption consumes, completely immerses, one drowns in adoption.

Since I did not have the ability to speak before I was touched, threw into, drown by, adoption, I am going to take on the persona of an annoying talking babies in those god awful John Travolta-Kristie Alley movies.  I’m sure some folks found those touching too.

1. Mom, I’ll never see you again.  Once you let go of me, I’ll be gone forever.  When you sign those papers I’ll be an orphan.  You certainly have more faith in this world than I do.

2. Mom, I’m going to look a bit like you.  It would be really nice to have that reference point as I’m growing up.  I’m never going to see anyone in real life that looks remotely like me until I’m almost 40 years old.  My confidence is going to be effected by this.

3. Mom, I’m never going to know who my dad is.  It’s  kind of  a  big deal for me.  You said you wanted to give me up to save me from “the stain of illegitimacy”, that doesn’t bother me as much as not even knowing who’s bastard I am.  BTW, everybody is going to assume I’m stained by illegitimacy as soon as they know I’m adopted for the rest of my life.  You aren’t saving me from anything.

4. Mom, I’m going to be spending ever summer Sunday for a couple of years about a mile from where you live, in about 33 years.  I wonder if you’ll see my picture in the local paper with my racing trophies?

5. New Mom and Dad, I’m not a blank slate.  Sorry.  Just wanting me to be like you won’t change a thing.  I am what I am.

6. New Mom and Dad, I do not have colic.  I just want to go home, where ever that is.

7. New Mom and Dad, You are going to have other children in a few years.  Children of your own.  Children that will be like you.  Do you still want to go through with this?  There is a whole list of other folks who will take me.  I won’t be hurt.

8. Lawyer, You might want to put a note in my file that this stuff will be “of use” to me in the future.  Your son, who will be the judge in this district someday, is going to tell me that there is “nothing of use to me in this file”.  He is going to be wrong.  Besides, I’ll find out anyway.

9. Governor, make my records available to me.  I am in the care of your state now.  You are going to see that I’m given to people to raise me to adulthood.  I’m going to pay taxes and vote for your successors.  I deserve to know what is going on now.

10. Mom, New Mom and Dad, Lawyer, Governor, Everybody Else, I am going to be alright.  A bit worse for the wear of all this, but alright.  It would have been a lot easier on me if you had listened to me now.


I’m Tearing Up A Bit

I’m getting messages and pictures from folks at the Adoptee Rights Demonstration in Philadelphia today.  I see the folks that have worked so hard, for so long, to put this together, all gathering to make this thing a reality.

Article From The Philadelphia Inquirer

The Facebook Page for The Demonstration

The Demonstration Page

More On the demonstration

Congratulations to everybody involved and thank you for fighting for adoptee rights.  You are the best.

Brave New Ways To Annoy Me

 

As you know I spend a great deal of my time being annoyed.  It is a hobby.  Lately I have noticed there are a lot of brand new ways to be annoying, especially online.  
Want to piss me off?  Tweet what you had for breakfast.  Let me give you a clue here, nobody gives a good goddamn how yummy you think scrambled eggs are.  We just don’t.  Unless you have substituted live spiders for the bananas in your Cheerios, just spare us.  
Having a cup of coffee isn’t that interesting either.  Do you really expect folks to get all excited when you let us know about your latte on facebook?  You are not sending these dispatches out to a remote uninhabited island.  Most folks with a computer are familiar with both Starbucks and the intricate workings of Mr. Coffee.  
You exercised? Wow.  That’s great.  Good for you.  I’m sure everybody on your list now has an image of you as fit and athletic.  That’s impressive.  The thing is if Jennifer Lopez is not in your yoga class nobody cares.  Exercise is every bit as boring to hear about as it is to actually do.  
You are working on a blog post?  Everybody kind of already figures that you work on them before you post them.  We are all onto that.  But thanks for letting us know.  
Thanks for letting me know you are busy today and want to get a whole lot done.  I take it that posting this was one of the earth shatteringly important things you had to do?  Congratulations you can check annoying the shit out of me off your list.
Good to know that your kid just did something cute.  Everybody thinks kids are cute, you especially think your kid is cute.  It’s just an overload of cuteness out there.  You know those folks who insist on showing you every picture of their kids in their giant wallet?  Well that’s you, just on a larger scale.  
Having a bad day?  I’m real sorry.  So are the other 200 people on your list.  I’m sure all the thousands of other folks, 123 of which have let us know they are having a bad day too, that all us folks connect to,  are sorry too.  Can you see how your bad day is contributing to a planet wide buzzkill?  Think about that the next time you are feeling down.
My job sucks too.  Pretty much everybody thinks their job sucks, at least some of the time.  I am glad that you reminded me that I am not alone though.  It makes me feel as if I am connected to a whole community.  Did you not get that?  OK, let me make this perfectly clear, everybody thinks their job sucks.  Got it? Good.
Oh you’re birthday is coming up?  Somehow you’ve just happened to mention it.  Well happy birthday!  I want you to know I didn’t feel a bit pressured to say that.  Really.  I just can’t wait for your post about all the gifts you got.  
And for the love of god do not try to sell me something.  Everybody is on to you.  You may have found the greatest pair of sunglasses, the best face cream, or absolutely love that new movie, but I’m not going to click on your link to shameless promotion.  I don’t care how many widget points you are going to get toward that big layout you’ve been promised.  Actually if you do ever really have something to say, I’m probably not going to read that either for fear of being offered the lowest mortgage rate in years.  I realize that you are only trying to make a buck and give about as much a shit about these wonderful new products and services as I do, but you are reminding of those Amway zombies.  Just quit it.
By the way, I didn’t eat breakfast, just coffee, went to the gym, just finished up a blog post, and would really like the new blackberry for my birthday that’s coming up.  
As you know I spend a great deal of my time being annoyed.  It is a hobby.  Lately I have noticed there are a lot of brand new ways to be annoying, especially online.  
Want to piss me off?  Tweet what you had for breakfast.  Let me give you a clue here, nobody gives a good goddamn how yummy you think scrambled eggs are.  We just don’t.  Unless you have substituted live spiders for the bananas in your Cheerios, just spare us.  
Having a cup of coffee isn’t that interesting either.  Do you really expect folks to get all excited when you let us know about your latte on facebook?  You are not sending these dispatches out to a remote uninhabited island.  Most folks with a computer are familiar with both Starbucks and the intricate workings of Mr. Coffee.  
You exercised? Wow.  That’s great.  Good for you.  I’m sure everybody on your list now has an image of you as fit and athletic.  That’s impressive.  The thing is if Jennifer Lopez is not in your yoga class nobody cares.  Exercise is every bit as boring to hear about as it is to actually do.  
You are working on a blog post?  Everybody kind of already figures that you work on them before you post them.  We are all onto that.  But thanks for letting us know.  
Thanks for letting me know you are busy today and want to get a whole lot done.  I take it that posting this was one of the earth shatteringly important things you had to do?  Congratulations you can check annoying the shit out of me off your list.
Good to know that your kid just did something cute.  Everybody thinks kids are cute, you especially think your kid is cute.  It’s just an overload of cuteness out there.  You know those folks who insist on showing you every picture of their kids in their giant wallet?  Well that’s you, just on a larger scale.  
Having a bad day?  I’m real sorry.  So are the other 200 people on your list.  I’m sure all the thousands of other folks, 123 of which have let us know they are having a bad day too, that all us folks connect to,  are sorry too.  Can you see how your bad day is contributing to a planet wide buzzkill?  Think about that the next time you are feeling down.
My job sucks too.  Pretty much everybody thinks their job sucks, at least some of the time.  I am glad that you reminded me that I am not alone though.  It makes me feel as if I am connected to a whole community.  Did you not get that?  OK, let me make this perfectly clear, everybody thinks their job sucks.  Got it? Good.
Oh you’re birthday is coming up?  Somehow you’ve just happened to mention it.  Well happy birthday!  I want you to know I didn’t feel a bit pressured to say that.  Really.  I just can’t wait for your post about all the gifts you got.  
And for the love of god do not try to sell me something.  Everybody is on to you.  You may have found the greatest pair of sunglasses, the best face cream, or absolutely love that new movie, but I’m not going to click on your link to shameless promotion.  I don’t care how many widget points you are going to get toward that big layout you’ve been promised.  Actually if you do ever really have something to say, I’m probably not going to read that either for fear of being offered the lowest mortgage rate in years.  I realize that you are only trying to make a buck and give about as much a shit about these wonderful new products and services as I do, but you are reminding of those Amway zombies.  Just quit it.
By the way, I didn’t eat breakfast, just coffee, went to the gym, just finished up a blog post, and would really like the new blackberry for my birthday that’s coming up.  

Adoption Rocks!

I don’t get this at all. .

Some dork wearing an Adoption Rocks! t-shirt.

 

Adoption Rocks?  What are adoption rocks?  Are people adopting rocks now?  Are they like Pet Rocks?

I remember Pet Rocks.  Now that was a great piece of marketing.  Imagine convincing everyone that they should pay $3.95 for a rock.  Everybody just had to have one, because everybody else had one.  You wouldn’t want to feel left out.  If they would have come up with Pet Rocks today even Madonna would have one, hell she’d be out on the Pet Rock World Tour right now.

Wait a minute, this couldn’t be about adoption could it?  No way.

There’s no way someone is financing their adoption adoption selling these t-shirts.  Can’t they get a HELOC or something?  What are their plans for the future?  Are they going to start selling “Community College Rocks!” t-shirts when tuition time rolls around in a few years?  That’s just wrong.

If they are serious about this they do realize that saying anything “Rocks” at this point is passe, or at the very least the height of irony, right?  Because adoption does not rock.  In fact, I suspect that international adoption is very fast becoming passe.  Let’s face it, it came out yesterday that we are in a recession.  Displays of excess like giant SUVs, Birkin Kelly bags, and toting an ethnically diverse adoptee, are out.  Green, useful and frugal are in.  You’ll get over in a much bigger way in your hybrid, toting a kid recycled from our very own foster care system.  You can easily still get them in a variety of colors and sizes.  

Besides isn’t having to sell t-shirts in order to pay for your international adoption a bit like wearing a Rolex Daytona with a Members Only jacket?