Ten Things I Wish I Knew Before I Was Touched By Adoption

This is my contribution to the Grown In My Heart Adoption Carnival.  Get in on it too, right here.  Use the Mr. Linky thing.

Go on, you know you want to.

First, I wasn’t touched by adoption.  The only folks ‘touched by adoption’ are random viewers of Adoption Stories or some other heart-tugging-ain’t-adoption- great TV show.  People are touched by the stories of others, or possibly an uncle, but not adoption.  Adoption consumes, completely immerses, one drowns in adoption.

Since I did not have the ability to speak before I was touched, threw into, drown by, adoption, I am going to take on the persona of an annoying talking babies in those god awful John Travolta-Kristie Alley movies.  I’m sure some folks found those touching too.

1. Mom, I’ll never see you again.  Once you let go of me, I’ll be gone forever.  When you sign those papers I’ll be an orphan.  You certainly have more faith in this world than I do.

2. Mom, I’m going to look a bit like you.  It would be really nice to have that reference point as I’m growing up.  I’m never going to see anyone in real life that looks remotely like me until I’m almost 40 years old.  My confidence is going to be effected by this.

3. Mom, I’m never going to know who my dad is.  It’s  kind of  a  big deal for me.  You said you wanted to give me up to save me from “the stain of illegitimacy”, that doesn’t bother me as much as not even knowing who’s bastard I am.  BTW, everybody is going to assume I’m stained by illegitimacy as soon as they know I’m adopted for the rest of my life.  You aren’t saving me from anything.

4. Mom, I’m going to be spending ever summer Sunday for a couple of years about a mile from where you live, in about 33 years.  I wonder if you’ll see my picture in the local paper with my racing trophies?

5. New Mom and Dad, I’m not a blank slate.  Sorry.  Just wanting me to be like you won’t change a thing.  I am what I am.

6. New Mom and Dad, I do not have colic.  I just want to go home, where ever that is.

7. New Mom and Dad, You are going to have other children in a few years.  Children of your own.  Children that will be like you.  Do you still want to go through with this?  There is a whole list of other folks who will take me.  I won’t be hurt.

8. Lawyer, You might want to put a note in my file that this stuff will be “of use” to me in the future.  Your son, who will be the judge in this district someday, is going to tell me that there is “nothing of use to me in this file”.  He is going to be wrong.  Besides, I’ll find out anyway.

9. Governor, make my records available to me.  I am in the care of your state now.  You are going to see that I’m given to people to raise me to adulthood.  I’m going to pay taxes and vote for your successors.  I deserve to know what is going on now.

10. Mom, New Mom and Dad, Lawyer, Governor, Everybody Else, I am going to be alright.  A bit worse for the wear of all this, but alright.  It would have been a lot easier on me if you had listened to me now.


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I’m Horrifying Adoptive Parents Again..

..over at Grown In My Heart.

It’s Sex and Drugs and Dear Birthmother letters for me this time.

see-adoption-blog-post

Orphan Art Imitates Life

Why do you think that a movie like orphan got made in the first place?  Do you think that adoptees, orphans, foundlings, whatever you want to call us weren’t perceived as creepy before?  Don’t fool yourself.

Horror movies at their very heart are morality tales.  They work on appealing to our sense of order.  If something isn’t quite right, all hell can break loose.  That is the hook.

Horror works on universal fears.  The thing in the dark, the thing we don’t know, the thing in close proximity.  Orphans always work because they are all of those things.  We come from, if not a bad place, many times an unknown place.  We are born one thing and are expected to be another.  We are by our births and or abandonment, changelings.  That it is a bit creepy cannot be denied.

The movie Orphan is not playing to anything new.  Orphans are perceived as being not right, weird, something that needs to be fixed.  If they were not there would be no such thing as adoption.

I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I’m certain that it doesn’t differ from most other movies of the genre.  It’s good versus evil.  Most likely good intentions versus evil, and that’s the really scary part.  Especially for adoptive parents, I think.  It plays to their most basic fears concerning adoption.  What if good intentions can’t make it right?  What if they fail?  What if the orphan remains an orphan?  What if good really can’t fix evil?

As to the adoptees, the orphans, the foundlings that are upset by this preception, too bad, so sad.  Make no mistake, to some degree you are stuck with it.  We are different.  We do come from an unusual place.  This will always be perceived as somewhat creepy by some.  We do interfer with the general sense of order.

But it is just a movie.  Little Esther is no more real than Frankenstein.  She’s no more real than Damien, than Rhoda, than all the things in the dark.  She’s no more real than the foot steps in the hall that wake you at night.  She is just a figment of our collective imagination.

How powerful can that be?