I’m an internet news junkie, so I’ve been reading a lot about God lately. He seems to making the news at least a couple of times a week letting us know exactly what he intended. Most of the time it has something to do with women’s bodies. From what I can tell, God has a hard time talking to girls, so he does the spiritual and/or physical equivalent of beating them up to lead them to what is best for them.
Just today an Indiana Representative, running for the Senate said that pregnancies resulting from rape were something God intended to happen. It’s not hard to imagine this guy’s train of thought would lead to the the statement, “they can just give it up for adoption and allow a deserving couple the right to raise a child.”
This is very dangerous thinking, and not just in te obvious God-thinks-rape-is-OK way, which is as bad as it gets. It’s dangerous in the God-lets-very-bad-things-happen-to-some-people-so-other-people-can-have-what-they-want way. While rape is one of the most heinous examples, this kind of thinking extends to everything. If you believe if one good thing comes out of a bad situation, it must be OK, it can lead to allowing all kinds of bad things to happen. Things like human trafficking, war, and limiting the rights of certain groups start to look like something ordained because, in some horribly obvious, or roundabout way, something good comes out of it.
Bad things aren’t OK, alright? If something bad happens to someone and they later say they are stronger for what happened, doesn’t make it alright. I have no doubt those stronger people would still not wish the bad thing had happened to them, or anyone else. Bad things must be recognized for what they are, not the good thing that may have resulted from the situation. This is especially true when the perceived good result benefits someone else. Just saying, “Oh well, at least, blah, blah, blah,” is dismissive, and often cruel.
I’ll shut up now.
According To Addie 
I agree, and thanks so much for clearly saying this. My belief is “shit happens”, randomly, to the good and the bad,most often caused by the flaws of human beings. Don’t blame God! I also take issue with the idea of “everything happens for a reason” which is especially egregious given the way many adoption scenarios play out. If you take this kind of thinking to its logical conclusion, you are left with something very ugly….that God or the Universe or the Flying Spaghetti Monster inflict evil and suffering on some in order to “teach them a lesson” and/or to benefit others. To me, that posits an evil deity, not a benevolent one. And as you point out, the oft-quoted saying about “what does not destroy me makes me stronger” leaves out all those who were indeed destroyed, literally or emotionally.,rather than made stronger by a tragedy worse than what they could bear. Is that their fault? Did they fail God’s test? Or does any of this have anything at all to do with the unknowable and all-loving Deity?
I cringe when adoptive parents insist that a particular child was “meant for them..” What does that make the birth mother? Just a vessel, a Handmaid, not a human being with feelings and choice in the matter. Sorry folks, my son was not in the “wrong tummy”, and the mentally ill woman who adopted him should never have been any sort of mother. Why would God do that to an innocent child?
From my side of the fence as a mother who surrendered, I also cringe when adoptees or mothers insist that their reunion happened at the exact right time and as a result of divine intervention. What about all those who can never find their family members, find a grave, or are rejected permanently? Are they any less deserving than the lucky ones where it all works out?
I believe we can pray to a greater power to comfort us in distress and that perhaps this Power suffers and empathizes with us, from my Christian background the Suffering Christ, but I cannot accept that a Deity micromanages our lives or causes rape or adoption loss or other awful things to happen. I am profoundly suspicious of anyone invoking God’s will in their adoption story, or purporting to speak for God, especially those who are profiting from adoption or enforcing their will on individual women and their bodies and choices, or blaming God for the evil actions of human beings.
The old adage about what doesn’t kill you making you stronger is crap. It so often just means you have a lot longer to suffer.
Don’t shut up.
As a natural mother who has endured hearing the likes of this from her son’s adopter and even her own son: “I strongly believe that god allowed the conception for my husband and I”; and from my son, “god put me where I was supposed to be.”, this post resonates with me profoundly.
There is not god whom allows some to gain at the expense and suffering of others. Anyone who actually believes this drivel is an arrogant, self entitled, cold-hearted narcissist. I learned this the hard way. What made them so much more “special” than me to keep and raise my own flesh and blood? Not a GOD damned thing, that’s what.
Ugh, do the people who say that heinous things like rape are meant to be by their God actually hear themselves??? They sound like utter lunatics. I wrote a similar post about God-speak and adoption yesterday…would love to hear your thoughts.
Thanks for what you wrote. I’m not sure if I’ll have my thoughts summed up as well as I mean to, but I’ll try.
I don’t think God causes bad things to happen. I think some bad things happen because people sometimes do bad things. I think some bad things happen because the world just works that way. I am a Christian, and I know some Christians think that God’s pulling every single string in the universe, making every single thing that happens, happen. That doesn’t make so much sense to me. I think sometimes God intervenes, but not every time, and I haven’t figured out why or why not.
What I do think, is that most (every?) situations can be redeemed, at least somewhat. I cringe to hear someone say that God intended rape to happen. I do think that God can be creative and find a way to make some good come of a bad situation. I had cancer in 2009. I don’t think God looked at me and said, “there’s a guy who’s having a moderately good life. Let me zap him.” It just happened. I don’t know why. But I think God brought some good from a bad situation. A friend lost his mother to cancer. I don’t think God caused that, but my friend has experienced profound growth in the wake of it. Did God cause the cancer? I don’t think so. Did God allow it? Probably, and I don’t know why. Did God help my friend stay alive through depression, and even grow in the wake of his mom’s death? I believe so. Did God cause the cancer so that my friend would grow? I don’t think so.
I’ve often wondered if adoption can have a redemptive element to it. Something bad happened. Whether it’s a rape like the politician said, or really unfortunate life circumstances, or… the list goes on. Maybe something good can be made of it, even though the “it” is bad.
I hope I’ve written well.
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